Dissatisefaction

Why I am not satisefied yet, while:
1. I have a admission in Women's Studies from one of 100 top universities in the world.
2. I have $19000 scholarship for the first year.
3. Two abstracts of mine in accepted to be presented in the most important international conference in my field. It will be held in Sweden in July.
4. My Iranian university is accepted to fund to participate in this conference.
5. The other abstract is accepted to be presented in Internet Research conference which will be held in Denmark in October.
6. Another one which is I am the co-author is accepted in the conference which is held every four year.

It is the abstract of my today life but why my mother says you are so nerved? You are under the various pressures. You should think about yourself more.
My husband says I should rest more and not work so much.
And my sick father is bedridden in my house just two days...
This is the main reason of dissatisefaction, pressure, sadness...

Unknown feelings

I had a great experience last night. It was my spouse's sisiter wedding party.
During the celebration, I discovered that I feel to bea great loser! I was surprised because it was the first time that I have had such emotion.
I felt I have been a loser in my life after the marriage. I always respect my spouse's parents and they love me so much but last night I thought why I forgot many things during my marriage which are related to my husband's family? Why have I sacrified my feelings in order to gain their respect and attention. I am simple woman without any luxury needs, but why they have not done something for me thought they are not important to me?!
The explanation of this matter is not simple especially in another language! Because It is really the first time and my feelings and emotions have not made as the words!
I felt I was damaged. Now, why? Why I felt it last night? What happend last night?!
I think I gained the oportunity to compare my spouse's family behaviours in adding somebody new to their family with hers! Yes, and I, I emphasize I, was jealous of her!
And I discovered I cannot forgive them because of a lot which have not offer to me...
It was a strong feeling of detriment, lose and harm...
Last night was the first time that I felt the special style of feminine jealousy and I cried in myself because I percieved that I have been desereved more... Actually more...

Being a woman

I don't want marriage. How can I scream it?!
I don't need marriage. If you have the best husband in the world, the concept of the marriage will bother you. The concept which is cumbersome, forcing you a lot of responsibilities in addition to many limitations.
Expectation! A terrible word in the context of the marriage... Why does the spouse have so many expectations? What is my sin to be a wife?! Do I commit to do whatever my husband desires?
Men just want se.x nothing else. They can not realise that their wives are the mixture of many needs, wants and characteristics. They do not want anything from you just your body, neither your mind nor your desires.
I can not continue... What is the nature of a woman?