My Website

1. I have an invaluable domain communication.ir which is very good to establish a website for communication. My spouse is insisting to make a group weblog in this domain with all my friend who are journalists now in Iran and have different various news beats which can provide the variety of the blog content.
I disagree to this suggestion. Although having a website with this domain is one of my dreams, I cannot persuade myself to request my friends and start a new stuff. I have many reasons; the first is that I don't have journalistic passions anymore myself. So, how I can manage a website which I cannot put all my best on it? Next, I prefer to to invest in Iran and in Persian language anymore, cause I would like to put all my efforts here and in an English environment to help me to be adapted in the new society.
We had a controversial discussion in this regard and finally he decided to give it up and said "you have not a pioneer one in establishing something!"
His emphasis is considered to this issue that it is very valuable if I would be able to establish a social network of Iranian journalists. This network will be wonderful in the future and can do a lot with this capability. He is right, I know. But I think I need more time to ponder about.

2. In highly-recommended suggestion of my brother-in-law, I decided to employ a private nurse for my father to free my mother of demanding and disgusting chores of him...
I hope everything will be going on well and I can do something to release my mother to take a breath.

Writer

I think I will decide to write here in my real name. I am not completely sure yet, but I am pretty prefer to write in my real name. I want to practice the braveness! I have another weblog in Persian which I write in it in pseudonym too. Maybe, I want to write but in an absolutely private place. I have always had a notebook and I wrote in it every day and now the blog is my notebook nothing more.
I am pondering maybe it is better to write in my real name. I actually want to practice the desire of writing. When I was in the third grade in the elementary school, my teacher asked o write a composition about what we would have as the occupation. I completely forget about it till the previous year that I found my composition notebook. My desire has been to be a writer! a 9-year-old girl wished to be a writer in her future life!
Shouldn't she start finally?!

Woman's Rage

I am reading Translated Women by Ruth Behar, an Cuban-American anthropologist. The first chapter is dedicated to the rage. Unbelievable how much the rage is common in the Mexican culture that people talk about it.
This book is the real life story of a Mexican peddler woman. In one part, she was talking about her husband and his mistress. She said that she was full of rage when she saw them flirting. When came back home and breasted her little child, the child was blocked and died after eight days! She said: What do you expect? I pour all my rage in my kid's throat. Always the rage does it.
And I know the rage very well. I know woman's rage very well. I know a woman's rage can eradicate one's whole life. It unbelievably powerful which no other strength can succeed...
I know what a woman's rage can do...

An Important Day!

I think today should be registered in my life calender.
I was reading and contemplating for my PhD thesis about the consumption of cosmetics in Iran to write a proposal for my department to be approved the topic.
Suddenly, I discovered something that I think is the core of the problem and can be the basis of any related discussion. Maybe in the first glance, it seems simple and not new! But it is a very deep and fundamental.
All women's fashion, cosmetics, and any other body modifications are because of this truth that women are defined by their bodies, nothing else. I think it is a universal concept but there is intensity and weakness in different countries and regions in the world. In fact, in the Western countries, there is more diversity and women's concentration on their bodies is not as strong as Eastern women. But general speaking, there is not special and considerable difference.
So, I prefer to talk about about Iran where I am familiar to it rather than other regions in the world. In Iran, all defined roles for women are based on women's body nothing else; the role of motherhood, the role of spouse which are the most emphasised and defined roles for women in the educational system as well as in the religious, unwritten social codes and in the public. All these roles are related directly to the women's body. Although, all aspects of the roles are not just fleshy and there are relations to the mind and feminine psychology, I think the core differentiation of these roles from men's roles is because of women's difference in the bodies!
So, over the time, the fundamental concepts and social expectations of women are defined woman as the body, nothing else; no mind, no soul, no spirit!
Consequently, a girl is defined herself just as her body, as I do. I always proud of my self to discover my femininity! My reason has been that I discovered my femininity by my body and discovered my body in the bedroom! When I make love I discover myself. Although I enjoy sexual relationship so much, I have not been aware of this fact that I, also define myself, my femininity by my body, not by my mind or my soul. Indeed, when I enjoy my mind or my soul, I see no femininity. It seems the mind and the soul is de-gengered! When I fell the femininity that I feel my body! Strange and interesting! I have also been nurtured in the culture which woman is the body, so my perceptions are not separated from I have learned over my life and now is in my unconsciousness which I am not aware of all.

Thus, naturally, women do whatever they are able be acceptable in the society. The body is the core concept to be adorned, decorated or whatever. A woman knows nothing about herself but the body.

I think it can be the start of many many scholars and research which I can conduct. And it can be a very significant theory which can lead to the practice. With this theory, planning for all practices in the schools, textbooks, NGOs, community activities can be obvious.

Thanks of this moment because of the inspiration.

What is nice sleeping... When the connectivity between soul and body is cut and your soul can travel whenever likes...
How much I love sleeping and how much I hate to wake up... I cannot carry my body... How much well I can distinguish between my soul and my body...
My body is heavy, carrying is difficult...
y soul refuses my body...

Let's Play

My sister feels bad so much. The atmosphere of the home is very sad and she cannot tolerate...
I told her the key of your good feeling is just loving.

Practice every day to talk to daddy just about half an hour. Hug him and kiss him. Maybe you don't have real feeling but just pretend!
She is a very good actress and I asked her just to play, but every day...

God's Smile

You are talking to me with my spouse's tongue. Last night, he told me a lot that I was feeling on my dear God, I extremely need to hug you. May I please? Do you remember me yet? Do you remember there has been a little girl who you've loved so much? A little girl he said "the God's Girl"! A little girl who everybody knows that God loves her so much and this is her special characteristic and the her differentiated point among all other individuals.
He said to me: You are the smile of the God and I want nothing except just a little smile...
He is so smart, cute, and full of unexpected talents which I always desire to have but he does not want none of them but God's smile. It is something that can bring satisfaction and serendipity to one's life.
I was full of joy and pleasure... Although I have been so far in recent months and the situation has been cumbersome to me, I was delighted cause I was not forgotten.
Everybody knows your spiritual face and your respect in others' eyes is not for your education, occupation or something else, it is just because of the especial spirituality that is dedicated to you not someone else. It is not your attempt, it was its favor... So, appreciate with all your spirit, soul and body and mind...

P.S. Yesterday, I slept and my soul was sitting at the top of my head and laughed at me! She was playing to me and didn't let me to wake up!

Memories

I wish I could push the time back and erase all my memories.
I don't need my memories any more. They just bother me deeply.
I wish I could push back the time and erase all my memories.

There is a man

There is a man I worship him by all my body's cells. There is a man who I sleep with all the night. There is a man who knows all dots of my body better than me. There is a man when I call him, he turns his head and comes to me. There is a man who I love more than the previous day. There is a man who I am living with 4 years and 3 months and 9 days and NOW I realize what is the meaning of unity of the souls. There is a man who I enjoy with by the deepest point of my heart. There is a man who my orgasm is as important to as his. There is a man who enjoy my all cells of my body. There is a man who shows my body to me. There is a man who learns me I have an interesting and amazing body which I can love. There is a man who is penetrating to my soul gradually drop... drop... drop...

Thanks

I should bless God.
I should appreciate for all I have been awarded.
Thank you.

Strange!

Strange!
1. My idea and lecture of my end-semester paper was welcomed amazingly and incredibly by the instructor! Greater than all the classmates ;)
2. An assistant professor in Media and Gender Studies of Moscow University and requested me to send her my paper presented in IAMCR to be published! She mentioned that my paper was the most interesting in the session!
3. I dreamed something strange. My father woke up from the bed and killed 3 cats and one snake but I hated him! I said I wish you have never recovered. I saw it 2 times in details. I knew it is a dream and tried to wake up cause I couldn't tolerate to watch the scene but I was sentenced to watch this cumbersome film and loose my consciousness. I hated my father and pondered HOW he could do that?! I am sure this dream had a significant message to me...
I will discover; soon or late...

Painleasure!

My tummy is painful and push me to keep my back straightaway and my breast to be shown. Just in this position, A Great Self-Confidence Position ;) the pain goes out.
It is the first time that I love the pain so much. I am proud of this kind of pain!

It is escaping

She: Your soul is escaping from you! Maybe you are bothering it (?)! and it wouldn't like to come back to your body when you want to wake up!
Me: That's absolutely true. It's right concept; doesn't like to come back. It is as a wanton kid who just like to wandering and not coming home!
She: You should change the situation to interest it to be calm.
Me: How?
She: You would better to be happier and more satisfied. You should love your self. Proud of yourself. Be relaxed and make a safe place for it.
You can consider to your body more, make it a better place for your soul...
Me: How my soul can escape from me? Isn't it me?! Am not me it? Who am I? Who is it? How can it to show itself as a separated existence?!
She: Now, it is so subtle and soft, is able to show you its existence and its desires... You should care more to it.
Me: Oh, my God! What is happening to me?!

Bizzare Dreams

Recently, my dreams at the night are different from what I had before.
It was close to the waking up; I mean I was awake but I didn't get up yet. I was dreaming I am in the library in the university and simultaneously in another place in the street! I was absolutely aware that I am in the two different places at the same time! Amazingly, I was watching o these two events in the eye of myself! Indeed, I was watching myself in the two parallel places as a movie next to each other and in addition, my awareness existed that these three positions are in the dream, while I am awake! And this awareness that I am not slept and I am awake was the fourth layer of my consciousness!
So strange and complicated!

I have dreamed a lot specially since I am in the new country and I have had many experiences similar to the above but most of them is when I feel I am awake and conscious while I am dreaming yet. I think the clear and clean weather in addition to the closeness to the heart of the Nature, we live in a house which the garden is connect to the forest!, lead my soul to go around easily and does not like to return to my body.
I don't know the interpretation but I think if I note my dreams every day, maybe I can find a logic among them and can interpret them which I totally believe is connected to my everyday life.

Western Stupid Radicals in Academia

I am writing just to remember that these days are the most cumbersome moments since I have arrived in Canada.
It seems, time passes and I know less than the previous day and become more confused than the last moment.
There are bigotries here no less than Iran and there are academic guys here who have nothing less than Muslim religious radical and fundamentalist!
I thought it is the West, the river of freedom and question. You can ask about everything without fear, concern and frustration but I did wrong. Here, I should make self-censorship otherwise I would encounter others' humiliation! especially a foolish instructor in the university...
I am deeply sad, depressed and I feel I lost my self-confidence...

Dreams

I am walking in my dreams...
This city is so beautiful that I have dreamed it just at nights...
We are walking in our dreams everyday without consciousness.
Every frame is seemingly is decorated for a movie! But it is real and I am living in these frames.
Just, sorry. Forgot to say: Thanks God :)

I miss the places much more rather than people and activities!
I remind places rather than everything in Iran!
It is exceptiomal and strang to me, because I never remember the places or they have not been important for me at all.
But I remind my memories or people via the place. I mean, at first I remember the place and then gradually the people who associated to that particular place!
Immigration is different experience, actually!

Negotiation!

Negotiation!
While I was searching some other departments courses for the next semester, I realized that most of them in the faculty of Arts and Social Sciences have a course directly related to the women, feminism or gender studies.In addition, if you browse the profile of faculty members of other departments such as History, Humanities, Political Sciences, Sociology and Anthropology, Psychology, and Communication there are at least one faculty member who is specialized in gender/ women's studies.Generally speaking, it is promising and can spread the scholarships and research with the feminist perspectives in other departments and can be beneficial to Women’s Studies goals in the long-term period. As Robyn R. Warhol, in “Nice Work, If You Can Get It!” confirms it. But it seems that there is not appropriate cooperation between Women’s Studies department and other departments in the faculty of Social Sciences. I think why other departments students who are interested in women/ gender/ feminist studies would not like to take their courses in Women’s Studies department? Have not these courses been presented in our department? Why? We do not have enough instructors? We cannot request different faculty members from other majors to teach here? We are in the budget-crunch? We are not interested in other students participating in our department? Other departments do not agree to hold their courses in our department? What is the main problem?Do our department faculty members or –I don’t know- whoever is responsible for this kind of responsibilities, have efficient meetings with other departments faculty members to persuade them to agree to hold these courses in Women’s Studies department? Actually, it is not a simple and easy job but I definitely believe on the power of negotiation and also lobbying! Why not?! It is right that here is an academy not a political party and faculty members are educators and pedagogues not politicians to collecting the votes! But I think we can learn much more from political plays and trends. Lobbying has been one the most efficient solution in solving this kind of problems. Holding all courses related to women/ gender/ feminism from other majors in this department will solve the main concerns and problems which are mentioned in the Women’s Studies External Review Graduate Students’ Report.Inasmuch, struggling to survive will not be the Women’s Studies students and faculty members concerns but all other students and professors in the whole faculty of Social Sciences.

Baba is calm... It seems he is calm and soothe... My sister said that you can not believe how he is kind and tranquil...
Thanks God... I asked her tell him to pay for me... Now, he is in the top... After so painful procedure of living... He is in the top and I am proud of him...
My dear daddy, I love you. I want you to know how much my heart is beating for you...
I take a deep breath and wait...

I hate Iranian feminists who are living abroad. Their writings make me puke!
I hate them!

Not only do I have problem with the language, but also with the culture. I cannot realize the interesting stuff in their culture. They have presented about topics in the class that I cannot tolerate! I hate the topics and I cannot be connected to!
They discuss interestingly about what I dislike and meaningless to me. So, I cannot participate in discussions. I do not know the dominant culture and do not understand why something ugly can be so admirable to them.
I am so far from some dominant discussions in my classes. I am the minority here and I cannot express my feeling cause simply they accuse me not to be enough liberal and human rights' supporter!

1. Maybe it is too soon to ask whether I come back to Iran or not.
I think I will. We can experience realities of living in the West. It is not all advantages, they have their problems which have not been able to succumb. I can be number one here, I am sure I can work here in a suitable and highly respect position. But I am not sure if I prefer to stay far from Iran for my whole life.
2. I have decided not to talk about Iran in class discussions any more. I want to start new discussions and involvements. I don't want to follow all vexatious thoughts I have had to tolerate and been concerned about. I want not to think about my Iran's issues anymore.
I would like to concentrate on my new life and avoid involving in my previous place, though it seems impossible completely, at least I can attempt!

I got 9/10 in my first presentation in an English country!
It is awesome. I cannot believe. I was not satisfied on my presentation, I was extremely distracted and could not focus on my subject. Shortly, I thought it was not rewarding and could not meet my expectations.
But my classmates' comments and my professor was helpful and encouraging.
I am pleased actually. This score was unbelievable to me! I do not evaluate to be deserved for this score; but I got it and it was wonderful.
Is it a long way to get 10/10?!

Last night started again... as always, tears... tears... tears... I called my mum, and at last, I started crying and told her please care about dad...
But after a while, there was something happened. I stop crying and started collecting my energy to send him far from oceans to my family. It made me a little calm!
I decided:
1. Keep praying for him with non stop. finally, it will be happened. It is impossible that the power of my positive feelings and desire miss in the universe! They will be concentrated in a place or a person. Why I can not be sure that maybe it is my family and stopping their pain?
2. What knowledge can I gain from leaving them? Is it a message to me that I am here in order to focus on my soul and spirituality far more than before? I am here to work on my soul and empower it...

Tear

This pain has no end. I cannot write about, I do not know why, maybe writing in English is difficult and before it, actually writing is difficult.
I am sure that these days are one of the most cumbersome moments in my whole life.
Not only I feel to escape from my parents' pains and leave them alone in suffering, also I empty of myself.
I want to finish. I want to finish. I want to finish...
Whom I can tell about my involvements? Nobody, even my God cannot hear me, even s/he...
What I can do now? Except to be finished...
I have nothing to follow, really nothing and my whole soul is ruined, it is eradicated and I do not know where I miss the fragments of my broken soul?
I wish I was a glass to put myself to an iron, 1000 pieces and finishing.
I do not want to be alive anymore...

Minorities' Concerns in Women's Studies

Why Women's Studies concentras mostly on minorities and prefers not to examine the majorities related-issues? As a case in point, how much the practice of female excision or trafficking of weman are common discussions for women generally?When I browsed the require chapters for the next session, especially the above mentioned ones, where are the status of topics related to women's physiology, psychology, etc?Although there is a strong theory that the society constructs the concept of feminity, it is unaccepable to me to ignore the role of natural physical and psychological foundations in studying women's related issues.When and where will we discuss on some common and natural women characteristics? I actually believe that menstrual cycle, pregnancy and in most cultures, bringing up the children are some examples of matters that are considerably differentiated the practices of women in comparison to men. I mean that disregarding to these topics eventuates in unfinished and in some extent mutilated conclusions in our analysis of social status of women.I surely do not reject the importance of minorities' topics but I am of the opinion that whether it is acceptable the majority of a knowledge is the minorities discussions or not?

How charming she is!

I am reading Feminist Postcolonial Theory and now I am pursuing Kirin Narayan’s discussion about nativeness of an anthropologist.
During the last weekend that I read this book, I could not stop gazing the television! CNN coverage US election campaign and this weekend were full of Sarah Palin pictures and speeches.
The more I watch her, the less I can interpret her! Indeed, I can not elucidate how Palin –Mac Cain’s vice president nominee- has bred 5 children -the last one has been a few months ago!- and has remained a governor and now elected as the US vice president?
I think that his nomination is reverse the trend of election campaign in US and now the competition is between Palin and Obama not Mac Cain and Obama! How could she attract so impressive media coverage? I don not know the exact reason but I believe that she is attractive and charming. She does not resemble to any other women that has 5 children whom I know.
When I stare to her body, her face and her clothes I can not believe that she has been pregnant at 45 months of her life. When I compare her to my country’s women I can not express my mental contradiction in how a woman can breed 5 children and remains so fascinating. Although, I have not been strongly involved in US election campaigns, I confess that I follow the election news specifically if it is related to Palin. She is interesting to me not as a politician but a woman who has a huge family and simultaneously is an active social and political agent.
Having many children and being a responsible mother and also acting as a successful social agent is a long historical problem at least in my country. Maybe it is solved in Western countries but believe me that having 5 children is significantly a different and considerable issue!

I am out of Iran for about two weeks. Now, I am in Canada and studying in one of the best universities. All that I encountred to, was painful in addition to interesting.
Just the point is that I always think that if we immigrate, the process is more difficult to me rather than my spouse.
But my short experience demonestrates that I made a mistake! I am whom that carry the burden of our new situation not my spouse. It seems immigration is not as tangible as he thought. But I had no difficulty, from the first day I felt there in my hometown!

The Leader of the Friday Prayers in the religious city of Mashhad, Ayatollah Seyed Ahmad Alam Alhoda, stated regret because Iran’s team in the opening of the Olympics was led by a woman.
“This was against the Islamic values as well as those of the establishment and the revolution and what the government claims to be accomplishing”, he stated. He added, “Putting a woman on the front is telling the world that we are not for the promotion of the Islamic values”. “As I have also mentioned before, the attendance of the Iranian women in the international events and exhibiting them outside Iran is against Islamic values. However, not only we are sending them to the events, they are put on the front as well”, he was reported saying.

yes. I am living in this country...

I have recieved a scholarship from a Canadian university whch dedicated to just 20 the best students in M.A. and PhD in all programs. I am proud of myself to achieve it because I do not know any one from Iran to get the scholarship in humanities fields. We have many engineering students that they can be full-funded in their education but in social science and humanities it is rare.
In Iran, the most talented students choose applied sciences and the most foolish choose humanities. But I should confirm that I am the special exception; I am a smart one who selects humanities eagerly.

I wish I could sleep tonight and would not awake anymore.

Deep Silence

I will abondan this country. I will immigrate to somewhere strange. where I know nobody and nothing. They will talk in another language. I am not familiar to their culture. I will loose all familiar. I will become alone. and loneliness, such a nice concept.
I will not know anybody and I wil deeply sink in an enjoyable silence. I am waiting for that silence and count the minutes to that moment.

Immigration

Woooow.... I am really excited now :)
It is the first time that I want to participate in an international conference. It is the most important in my field. The surprising issue is that today I was informed the congress support me financially by euro 1250!!! And they ask is it enough to me to take place in the conference?!
In fact, I wrote a long letter to them and explain my situation as I have two paper in the conference, There is nobody who participates in the previous years of this conference, the cost of traveling, registering and accomodation is not affordable to a student in a low-income country, and all participating expenses is equivalent to the 6 months Iranian wages!
All my claims was true and they believe me! Finally, somebody believe me to support.
I am here, in a country where I am the youngest one who is in PhD in my field, I got the rank first in the PhD entrance exam... and many thing more...
The dean of graduate studies of my university said to me that in foreign conferences, there are women who have not any hijab!!! Why do you want to go such places?! stay here and write your thesis! Why do you want to present a paper in the foreign countries?! Publish your papers in Persian journals! He said and said... and I actually do not want to remember his nonesenses...
There is a committe in a far away university in the Sweden who dedicate euro 1250 to a PhD student who desire to participate in an international conference! How we can explain the difference?
They are as they in Canadian university which awrd me $19000 scholarship for the first year of studing; the amount of money which I have not gained from starting working -18 years old- up to now -26 years old-
They pay me this money not for working but for studing!!! How can I explain the difference?!
Why should I choose remaining in Iran?????!!!!!

Dissatisefaction

Why I am not satisefied yet, while:
1. I have a admission in Women's Studies from one of 100 top universities in the world.
2. I have $19000 scholarship for the first year.
3. Two abstracts of mine in accepted to be presented in the most important international conference in my field. It will be held in Sweden in July.
4. My Iranian university is accepted to fund to participate in this conference.
5. The other abstract is accepted to be presented in Internet Research conference which will be held in Denmark in October.
6. Another one which is I am the co-author is accepted in the conference which is held every four year.

It is the abstract of my today life but why my mother says you are so nerved? You are under the various pressures. You should think about yourself more.
My husband says I should rest more and not work so much.
And my sick father is bedridden in my house just two days...
This is the main reason of dissatisefaction, pressure, sadness...

Unknown feelings

I had a great experience last night. It was my spouse's sisiter wedding party.
During the celebration, I discovered that I feel to bea great loser! I was surprised because it was the first time that I have had such emotion.
I felt I have been a loser in my life after the marriage. I always respect my spouse's parents and they love me so much but last night I thought why I forgot many things during my marriage which are related to my husband's family? Why have I sacrified my feelings in order to gain their respect and attention. I am simple woman without any luxury needs, but why they have not done something for me thought they are not important to me?!
The explanation of this matter is not simple especially in another language! Because It is really the first time and my feelings and emotions have not made as the words!
I felt I was damaged. Now, why? Why I felt it last night? What happend last night?!
I think I gained the oportunity to compare my spouse's family behaviours in adding somebody new to their family with hers! Yes, and I, I emphasize I, was jealous of her!
And I discovered I cannot forgive them because of a lot which have not offer to me...
It was a strong feeling of detriment, lose and harm...
Last night was the first time that I felt the special style of feminine jealousy and I cried in myself because I percieved that I have been desereved more... Actually more...

Being a woman

I don't want marriage. How can I scream it?!
I don't need marriage. If you have the best husband in the world, the concept of the marriage will bother you. The concept which is cumbersome, forcing you a lot of responsibilities in addition to many limitations.
Expectation! A terrible word in the context of the marriage... Why does the spouse have so many expectations? What is my sin to be a wife?! Do I commit to do whatever my husband desires?
Men just want se.x nothing else. They can not realise that their wives are the mixture of many needs, wants and characteristics. They do not want anything from you just your body, neither your mind nor your desires.
I can not continue... What is the nature of a woman?

Psychiatrist

My mother suggested me to meet a psychiatrist. I have terrible nights. I wake up many times during the night and feel extremely anxious and worried about my daddy. She says by a few tablets you can have a relaxed sleeping and after some nights everythig will be all right.

Days

These days are passing... How much difficult... How much cumbersome... And I know how much these days are needed to be the human and a deep perception of the life...

Why?

Why?
My husband expects me all myself and my father expects me all myself. None of them think that there is another man in my life who I should care about. My husband does not think I have a father and my father does not think I have a husband and both of think I do not need myself to myself!
What can I do for those men? Why are they so needed while they claim they do not need anybody?!

:)

If I have not married to my present husband, I have undoubtedly been divorced so far!

Serendipity

Serendipity is to buy a set of glasses with pink flowers and handdles, pour the tea in it and drink it when you are temporizing with a pulp fiction magzine!
Serendipity is just it :)

Acceptance

At the most time, what we call the miracle is our acceptance of the bitter reality by the deapest point of the heart. It is what happens to me about my father situation.
I do not pray for his health. I just entrust to God to protect him and does whatever is goodness.

Death

It was the most difficult days of my life. I finally could rescue my father from the hospital and signed a paper which indicated I take him out of the hospital by my satisfaction whithout his doctor's permission!

I bought all ICU's equipments for home and bring him home. I did all it myself lonely. It was the most painful days of my life. I felt lonely extremely even I thought God forgot me... and I should do whatever I can for my father. Even the doctors of the hospital became surprised of buying all ICU's equipments for home! But I did it. Little Raha did it without anybody's assistance.

My father said to me he was dying in the hospital and I rescue him from the death :)

Although his desease is serious and maybe I lost him soon, I am calm because I did whatever I could. I do not owe myself.

Dinner

What did you prepare for dinner?
It was my husband's question when I returned hospital where my father was in ICU and had no distance to the death...