I just saw this journal...
I can't explain what it did to me. Just bursting into my tears and go on and go on again.
Why I didn't do it to my father?
His father was so resembled to mine when admire his son and when he became excited of hearing his son's stories of success, I heard my father's laugh...
It was incredible and my feelings are not explainable...
Just I appreciate Phillip Teledano and envy him why I DID NOT THE SAME FOR MY FATHER?
Can some day I forgive myself to not be around him in the last moments?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My first Experience in Tutorials
My first tutorial sessions went on well much more than my own expectation. They are three sessions continuously and I have no time to breath among them!
In the first session, I sat behind the table, in the second session I walked in the class and in the third session, I sat on the table! So comfortable and leading the discussions in my desirable direction.
Deborah invited me to her solo painting exhibition today, unfortunately I couldn't make it.
In the first session, I sat behind the table, in the second session I walked in the class and in the third session, I sat on the table! So comfortable and leading the discussions in my desirable direction.
Deborah invited me to her solo painting exhibition today, unfortunately I couldn't make it.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Socialized Lesbian
I met a lesbian in the age of around 60 who is doing her PhD in Economics. When we were discussing about homosexuality, she disagreed that it is an innate and a natural tendency. She defined herself as a "socialized lesbian"! She is a lesbian just because she always works and communicates with women!
She said in the period of her life when she needed a partner, if she encountered a reliable wonderful man, she might be partner with him! "But there was no man to attract me but many women in my work place and social activities." She said. So, she became a lesbian in a surprisingly simple way!
P.S. In gender theories, it is described that homosexuality is an innate and a natural tendency in people! She was a counter example of this accepted theory and confirmed that whole the process has been totally social.
She said in the period of her life when she needed a partner, if she encountered a reliable wonderful man, she might be partner with him! "But there was no man to attract me but many women in my work place and social activities." She said. So, she became a lesbian in a surprisingly simple way!
P.S. In gender theories, it is described that homosexuality is an innate and a natural tendency in people! She was a counter example of this accepted theory and confirmed that whole the process has been totally social.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My Life Is Turning On Again
Long time not to write here.
Today should be registered in my life calender. My meeting with Deborah, seeing her paintings and talking to her for about 4 hours was aspiring to me.
She was one of those persons I really would love to be friend with. She is a successful painter, is establishing her own company on Women's Empowerment, writing her autobiography and an energetic woman with admiring laughters!
She said that I am smart and she admired the way I go through in my life. Then she asked me if I am interested I read her manuscripts of her before the publication!
She said she planned o get her book to two of her friends; one her partner (she is lesbian) and the other one friend who is working in a publication.
She said you can be the third one to read my book and get your comments on it.
She was one I could laugh with when we were talking in English! It was the first time I was talking in English with somebody else and I was able to communicate with her as much as to laugh! I told her this fact and she said it maight be because of our close energies.
She said I am a gifted and assured me I definitely will find my way on the life because I have never stopped and always have been active in choosing my way... She also admitted that I am a baby in my own age! and have a lot of time to discover more and more.
When I was coming back home, the weather was wonderful and I felt Deborah was a sign of kindness of the universe... I felt the process of kindness to me is starting and I felt that all green trees and wonderful weather are hugging me completely.
Thank you Deborah...
Today should be registered in my life calender. My meeting with Deborah, seeing her paintings and talking to her for about 4 hours was aspiring to me.
She was one of those persons I really would love to be friend with. She is a successful painter, is establishing her own company on Women's Empowerment, writing her autobiography and an energetic woman with admiring laughters!
She said that I am smart and she admired the way I go through in my life. Then she asked me if I am interested I read her manuscripts of her before the publication!
She said she planned o get her book to two of her friends; one her partner (she is lesbian) and the other one friend who is working in a publication.
She said you can be the third one to read my book and get your comments on it.
She was one I could laugh with when we were talking in English! It was the first time I was talking in English with somebody else and I was able to communicate with her as much as to laugh! I told her this fact and she said it maight be because of our close energies.
She said I am a gifted and assured me I definitely will find my way on the life because I have never stopped and always have been active in choosing my way... She also admitted that I am a baby in my own age! and have a lot of time to discover more and more.
When I was coming back home, the weather was wonderful and I felt Deborah was a sign of kindness of the universe... I felt the process of kindness to me is starting and I felt that all green trees and wonderful weather are hugging me completely.
Thank you Deborah...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Job
Hello everyone,
I want to thank everyone for responding so articulately in regards to the ad. 7 people responded to the message put out on Craigslist. I did have in mind one position to help me with the work...I didn't anticipate so many people responding.
I know that a team atmosphere is much more fun and at the heart of the idea is a teambuilding system so it makes sense to make a team. There is plenty of work to be done so that is not an issue.
I have done a few online research projects before and it can be quite interesting to see what can happen. Because we are all in Vancouver we can incorporate both online and offline aspects....At the beginning though, most of the work will be online.
I have learned to take things a step at a time because there is much to learn and one of my conversational patterns has been to give too much information too quickly.
So we will proceed in Missions....and these missions break down into assignments.....when you complete the assignment you go to the next assignment. When all assignments are completed you completed the mission and go onto the next mission. How does this sound to you?
I know you have many questions and all will be answered over time. The first assignment is to create a communication forum and platform to get the assignments and have a place to learn, create and communicate together.
Some of you might drop out, others may come on board but essentially as long as you do the work you can stay in the project. The only thing I really stick to is participation. All work assignments are negotiable but you have to participate. It's not good for you, the team, or me to have people that are not really interested in what is going on. Its best to take your leave. But I ask you one thing...if you are going to drop out...you don't do so by not communicating...Communicate to the group that you are leaving and why you are doing so.
This is a research project and it is a research project in regards to how to do the research process itself. It will be quite different I am sure to what you are use to. It may press you. It may challenge you. I can guarantee you this will be a rich experience, good for the resume, and there are many future potentialities in regards to your career if you so choose.
I know there is not a lot of information about what you will be doing here but that will come...I am going to invite you all to a Wiki...the New Paradigm Toolkit Research Lab....which is quite dormant right now but that will change quickly with you involved. You can look around but don't take it as ready for action....we have much to fill in....
I will set up the space for this team to work in.....so you will be getting an email soon that will be an invitation to the lab.....
Welcome all of you....you responded to the call...let's see how amazing we can make this together.
This is an email I received from somebody advertised for a research assistant in writing a book on success!
I don't know what will happen.
I also received a response from another position as a media and communication assistant to go for interview. It's just 3-4 days I am searching for job!
Isn't it good?!
I want to thank everyone for responding so articulately in regards to the ad. 7 people responded to the message put out on Craigslist. I did have in mind one position to help me with the work...I didn't anticipate so many people responding.
I know that a team atmosphere is much more fun and at the heart of the idea is a teambuilding system so it makes sense to make a team. There is plenty of work to be done so that is not an issue.
I have done a few online research projects before and it can be quite interesting to see what can happen. Because we are all in Vancouver we can incorporate both online and offline aspects....At the beginning though, most of the work will be online.
I have learned to take things a step at a time because there is much to learn and one of my conversational patterns has been to give too much information too quickly.
So we will proceed in Missions....and these missions break down into assignments.....when you complete the assignment you go to the next assignment. When all assignments are completed you completed the mission and go onto the next mission. How does this sound to you?
I know you have many questions and all will be answered over time. The first assignment is to create a communication forum and platform to get the assignments and have a place to learn, create and communicate together.
Some of you might drop out, others may come on board but essentially as long as you do the work you can stay in the project. The only thing I really stick to is participation. All work assignments are negotiable but you have to participate. It's not good for you, the team, or me to have people that are not really interested in what is going on. Its best to take your leave. But I ask you one thing...if you are going to drop out...you don't do so by not communicating...Communicate to the group that you are leaving and why you are doing so.
This is a research project and it is a research project in regards to how to do the research process itself. It will be quite different I am sure to what you are use to. It may press you. It may challenge you. I can guarantee you this will be a rich experience, good for the resume, and there are many future potentialities in regards to your career if you so choose.
I know there is not a lot of information about what you will be doing here but that will come...I am going to invite you all to a Wiki...the New Paradigm Toolkit Research Lab....which is quite dormant right now but that will change quickly with you involved. You can look around but don't take it as ready for action....we have much to fill in....
I will set up the space for this team to work in.....so you will be getting an email soon that will be an invitation to the lab.....
Welcome all of you....you responded to the call...let's see how amazing we can make this together.
This is an email I received from somebody advertised for a research assistant in writing a book on success!
I don't know what will happen.
I also received a response from another position as a media and communication assistant to go for interview. It's just 3-4 days I am searching for job!
Isn't it good?!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Intellectual Stuff
My GPA in this semester was 4.00 and the culmulative GPA was 3.92. I guess it is good result. I planned to submit my paper to the International Journal of Women's Studies but there are many problems on it which I haven't started to correct yet. The deadline is May 1st.
I feel vivid to write in the online newspaper. How much it is productive if in a collective activity, the individual's benefits fulfill. Just in this case, people will enjoy team working. This exactly what is happening to me about this newspaper. I am gradually enjoying writing in this new newspaper and I feel I like it.
I start approaching to the intellectual stuff again... By reading a new book. It was one of the few times I start a book and tried to taste every words and the meaning beyond the words not just reading quickly to know what will be happened at the end!
I feel vivid to write in the online newspaper. How much it is productive if in a collective activity, the individual's benefits fulfill. Just in this case, people will enjoy team working. This exactly what is happening to me about this newspaper. I am gradually enjoying writing in this new newspaper and I feel I like it.
I start approaching to the intellectual stuff again... By reading a new book. It was one of the few times I start a book and tried to taste every words and the meaning beyond the words not just reading quickly to know what will be happened at the end!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Disappointed
I submitted my last paper today. It was the last course in the Master of Women Studies...But I do not know why I do not feel I am released. I feel nothing is finished and maybe my great works has been started!
Unfortunately, my name was not in the lottery selection for travel bursary for intending in the Mexico International conference of IAMCR.
I am not sure I will afford to participate. Although it not a big deal from Canada to Mexico, I would prefer to travel to Iran if I have money especially it will be my sister's wedding. But I am pretty sure i won't have any money for such a big traveling from Vancouver to Tehran.
Unfortunately, my name was not in the lottery selection for travel bursary for intending in the Mexico International conference of IAMCR.
I am not sure I will afford to participate. Although it not a big deal from Canada to Mexico, I would prefer to travel to Iran if I have money especially it will be my sister's wedding. But I am pretty sure i won't have any money for such a big traveling from Vancouver to Tehran.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Storytelling
Julia Cruikshank a Canadian anthropologist says:
"social science is a form of storytelling, and the way we tell stories largely determines who will hear them."
I love this quotation!
"social science is a form of storytelling, and the way we tell stories largely determines who will hear them."
I love this quotation!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Female Body
I have a lot to say.
I am working on my thesis proposal. I would like to work on women's perception and interaction of female body. I would like to examine the case of Iranian women who were born in Iran and passed their childhood and teen ages in the Islamic context and them immigrated to Canada. I want to focus on the difference in their perception in female body. For completing my proposal, I am reading some stuff from Islam and Feminism, embodiment literature in Western tradition, contemporary Iran's history, colonialist feminist theories, etc. BUT none of them can articulate what I exactly expect of analyzing of female body. Today I get some books from the library about the philosophical perspective on embodiment and female body. I think this is what I desire of studying on female body. I should read philosophy more in this regard. I guess just in this case I can present some considerable analysis of the issue.
One of the main problems of interdisciplinary as Women's Studies, as I always mention, is the lack of powerful theoretical basis of the arguments. Programs as women's studies seem in designed more for action and social movements rather than producing knowledge. Although I am a omnipresent advocate of practice and action regarding to any abstract knowledge, it definitely does not mean that I am able to ignore the importance of theoretical and deep foundations of issues.
Anyway, I start reading:
1. The Body; Classic and Contemporary Reading. (1999) Edited by Donn Welton. This book includes writings of Husserl, Heidegger, Merleau-Ponty, Lacan, Foucault, Kristeva and Irigaray.
I am not sure I can deal with the philosophy in English language. I am scared a little bit. Will I understand?! I hope so.
2. Body and Flesh; A Philosophical Reader. Edited by the previous one!
P.S. I bought some painting supplements in order to start painting my old love in my life. I will put my paintings in the blog soon.
This is one of my new decisions. Take the art more seriously. It is the only effective way of impression :)
I am working on my thesis proposal. I would like to work on women's perception and interaction of female body. I would like to examine the case of Iranian women who were born in Iran and passed their childhood and teen ages in the Islamic context and them immigrated to Canada. I want to focus on the difference in their perception in female body. For completing my proposal, I am reading some stuff from Islam and Feminism, embodiment literature in Western tradition, contemporary Iran's history, colonialist feminist theories, etc. BUT none of them can articulate what I exactly expect of analyzing of female body. Today I get some books from the library about the philosophical perspective on embodiment and female body. I think this is what I desire of studying on female body. I should read philosophy more in this regard. I guess just in this case I can present some considerable analysis of the issue.
One of the main problems of interdisciplinary as Women's Studies, as I always mention, is the lack of powerful theoretical basis of the arguments. Programs as women's studies seem in designed more for action and social movements rather than producing knowledge. Although I am a omnipresent advocate of practice and action regarding to any abstract knowledge, it definitely does not mean that I am able to ignore the importance of theoretical and deep foundations of issues.
Anyway, I start reading:
1. The Body; Classic and Contemporary Reading. (1999) Edited by Donn Welton. This book includes writings of Husserl, Heidegger, Merleau-Ponty, Lacan, Foucault, Kristeva and Irigaray.
I am not sure I can deal with the philosophy in English language. I am scared a little bit. Will I understand?! I hope so.
2. Body and Flesh; A Philosophical Reader. Edited by the previous one!
P.S. I bought some painting supplements in order to start painting my old love in my life. I will put my paintings in the blog soon.
This is one of my new decisions. Take the art more seriously. It is the only effective way of impression :)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Busy Days
It is a long time I haven't been here to write.
1. My lovely course, Ethnography Methodology, is finished today and I had a presentation on Lila Abu-Lughod, a Palestinian- American feminist anthropologist. (How many labels!) This course was the best one in my Master. My prof was wonderful and made me so interested in Anthropology.
2. I talked to my senior supervisor and broaden my thesis topic a little bit. We agree on "Islam and Beautification; the case of immigrant women from Islamic countries". I like it more. The previous title was just about using cosmetics and my addressee was just Iranian women. I would like to examine the women who have raised in Islamic countries about embodiment and beautification and the effect of Islam principles.
3. There is a student conference is sponsored by a scholarly center in Middle East and Islamic studies in Vancouver. I will present my paper on "Female Narratives of Sex" on May 9.
4. My abstract for 27th international conference of IAMCR was accepted. This year conference will be held in Mexico in July. I applied for travel grant. If they offer me the grant, I will attend the conference. My spouse abstract was accepted too.
My abstract was about seeking different aspects of presented identity in Iranian women bloggers; I would like to focus on identity elements which are specifically related to the sexuality.
5. Friday will be the last session of my classes in Master in Canada. Then I should start to work on my thesis proposal quickly.
1. My lovely course, Ethnography Methodology, is finished today and I had a presentation on Lila Abu-Lughod, a Palestinian- American feminist anthropologist. (How many labels!) This course was the best one in my Master. My prof was wonderful and made me so interested in Anthropology.
2. I talked to my senior supervisor and broaden my thesis topic a little bit. We agree on "Islam and Beautification; the case of immigrant women from Islamic countries". I like it more. The previous title was just about using cosmetics and my addressee was just Iranian women. I would like to examine the women who have raised in Islamic countries about embodiment and beautification and the effect of Islam principles.
3. There is a student conference is sponsored by a scholarly center in Middle East and Islamic studies in Vancouver. I will present my paper on "Female Narratives of Sex" on May 9.
4. My abstract for 27th international conference of IAMCR was accepted. This year conference will be held in Mexico in July. I applied for travel grant. If they offer me the grant, I will attend the conference. My spouse abstract was accepted too.
My abstract was about seeking different aspects of presented identity in Iranian women bloggers; I would like to focus on identity elements which are specifically related to the sexuality.
5. Friday will be the last session of my classes in Master in Canada. Then I should start to work on my thesis proposal quickly.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
My spouse established an online newspaper and I start to write! I am pretty excited about writing again. Although it is in Persian, I am satisfied, because writing especially about Iran and the surroundings, help me to think about them more rational and also makes me to feel calm.
I finished "Veiled Sentiments" by Lila Abu-Lughod, an American Egyptian anthropologist. I liked the book. Her main interpretation is focused on sexuality and all about it in an Egyptian tribe.
I tried to grow Sabze for new year but unsuccessful!
I sent the first part of my work and Deborah was totally satisfied with it.
I finished "Veiled Sentiments" by Lila Abu-Lughod, an American Egyptian anthropologist. I liked the book. Her main interpretation is focused on sexuality and all about it in an Egyptian tribe.
I tried to grow Sabze for new year but unsuccessful!
I sent the first part of my work and Deborah was totally satisfied with it.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
These Days
These days I am busy a little bit. I am working on the small job and I have finished half of it. I will send it to the boss(!) and get her feed backs. I hope she will be satisefied with my job.
I went to a concert last night for the first time in my life!
I am writing more on my Persian weblog. Today, I have an idea to write my "confessions" in my Persian blog. I don't know what I will do but sounds interesting for myself.
My instructor in my anthropology course is wonderful so that I decide to apply for Anthropology for PhD! She is great really. At this moment, I have read 9 full books and about 15 articles for this course without any pressure or sense of bothering...
I went to a concert last night for the first time in my life!
I am writing more on my Persian weblog. Today, I have an idea to write my "confessions" in my Persian blog. I don't know what I will do but sounds interesting for myself.
My instructor in my anthropology course is wonderful so that I decide to apply for Anthropology for PhD! She is great really. At this moment, I have read 9 full books and about 15 articles for this course without any pressure or sense of bothering...
Monday, March 9, 2009
Convincing in English!
Deborah, who I am starting my first work in Canada with, told me today: Do you know why I chose you for this position? There was a special self-confidence in your voice which I did not hear from other applicants'. Although English is not your first language, you could convince me that you are the best candidate for this position! Wow!
I said: I am always good at convincing people in my own language but I did not think I am able to do it in English too. She said: You did. I am working in the business and negotiation is my professional. You could convince me! You did it!
I became delighted! hahahahah!
I said: I am always good at convincing people in my own language but I did not think I am able to do it in English too. She said: You did. I am working in the business and negotiation is my professional. You could convince me! You did it!
I became delighted! hahahahah!
Friday, March 6, 2009
First Job Position in Canada! Wow!
I received my first job offer in Canada as a research assistant!
Deborah, who is studying on empowering women in the North America decide to hire me today!
It was a job posting from the past week and because she mentioned that call me for phone interviewing, at first I gave this email up and thought oh my God, who can answer to some questions by phone and in English?! But, suddenly, last night I decided to send me resume to her email. She called me at the morning, though I didn't put my phone number! She said as I review your resume you seem qualified. Tell me about your research interests and what you have done. I said I have presented three papers in international conferences...
When she was explaining about the research and the qualified candidate for the position, she mentioned it is very important the candidate is able to search very well in order to gathering some data. I said I have an experience in this regard when I was working as a chief consultant in a news agency where my exact responsibility was searching for appropriate related organizations in order to be connected with them, negotiate with them for fundraising and assistance to hold some workshops for regional journalists...
When she said the core of the research is the empowerment of women in the North America, I described about my experience in empowering some Iranian housewives for writing in their local publication...
She asked me how old are you? When I answered I am 27, she was surprised and said that I seemed more mature according to the resume. I said if you live in Iran and desire to progress, you have to work hard and really run!
She called me around 1 p.m and said: I decide to hire you. Congratulations!
So, I will start my first Canadian experience as a research assist in the field which I am really interested and curious about with $20 per hour!
Sounds great and unbelievable. I planed after finishing this semester I go for working even as a volunteer to gain some Canadian job experience.
Better than I expected
Deborah, who is studying on empowering women in the North America decide to hire me today!
It was a job posting from the past week and because she mentioned that call me for phone interviewing, at first I gave this email up and thought oh my God, who can answer to some questions by phone and in English?! But, suddenly, last night I decided to send me resume to her email. She called me at the morning, though I didn't put my phone number! She said as I review your resume you seem qualified. Tell me about your research interests and what you have done. I said I have presented three papers in international conferences...
When she was explaining about the research and the qualified candidate for the position, she mentioned it is very important the candidate is able to search very well in order to gathering some data. I said I have an experience in this regard when I was working as a chief consultant in a news agency where my exact responsibility was searching for appropriate related organizations in order to be connected with them, negotiate with them for fundraising and assistance to hold some workshops for regional journalists...
When she said the core of the research is the empowerment of women in the North America, I described about my experience in empowering some Iranian housewives for writing in their local publication...
She asked me how old are you? When I answered I am 27, she was surprised and said that I seemed more mature according to the resume. I said if you live in Iran and desire to progress, you have to work hard and really run!
She called me around 1 p.m and said: I decide to hire you. Congratulations!
So, I will start my first Canadian experience as a research assist in the field which I am really interested and curious about with $20 per hour!
Sounds great and unbelievable. I planed after finishing this semester I go for working even as a volunteer to gain some Canadian job experience.
Better than I expected
Thursday, March 5, 2009
My New Love!
I finally bought a new laptop for myself! It's the first "new" laptop we have ever bought, indeed it is the third laptop we have bought but both two previous was second-handed. It's an Acer Aspire model with 8.9 inches screen! It's so funny, I particularly love the small nice white keyboard which encourage me to type always! It is also the first big purchase in Canada via Internet. I was totally satisfied with online shopping. I actually love this new sweet creature!
I have discovered www.digg.com recently and I am addicted to it.
I finally completed my PhD proposal. It just needs some edits nothing more. I hope I can submit it before Norouz but I don't think it will be approved before the Iranian year. Anyway, the topic is approved, I will be relieved!
I have discovered www.digg.com recently and I am addicted to it.
I finally completed my PhD proposal. It just needs some edits nothing more. I hope I can submit it before Norouz but I don't think it will be approved before the Iranian year. Anyway, the topic is approved, I will be relieved!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Full of Disgust
When I was living in Iran, especially in the recent years, my mind was full of disgust and I could not behave or judge in a logical way. Everything made me nervous and angry; in the street, in my work, in shopping, in traffic, in television shows, in news broadcasting… I just was frustrated so much… I just wanted to escape… I felt that everything in this country is created just to bother people heavily… the religion, the government, the cars, the veiling, the polluted air, the traffic jammed, the stupid president, the dictator supreme leader, the foolish Cabinet, the university, the professors and all and all… Everything for torturing you…
So, at first I decided to escape to somewhere just to “breathe” for a while and then “create” some reasons for my immigration!
I am here but my disgust is not finished yet... Unfortunately...
So, at first I decided to escape to somewhere just to “breathe” for a while and then “create” some reasons for my immigration!
I am here but my disgust is not finished yet... Unfortunately...
Not OUR Language
Even when we are talking in our mother tongue, the “pressure” of translation in English never leave us alone! Indeed, the shadow of English language as a language which is not “ours”, which is “weird” to us and which is “far” from us, imposes its existence heavily in the entire context of our conversation.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Notes on Love in a Tamil Family
The book I am reading in recent two weeks is Notes on Love in a Tamil Family by Margaret Trawick. She lived for a time in the midst of one large South Indian family and sought to understand the multiple and mutually shared expressions of love. This family performed before the young anthropologist's eyes the meaning of love through poetry and conversation, through the not always gentle raising of children, through the weaving of kinship tapestries, through erotic exchanges among women, among men, and across the great sexual boundary. She communicates with grace and insight what she learned from this Tamil family, and we discover that love is no less universal than selfishness and individualism.
What I am looking for is that how the anthropologist expresses herself through telling the story of her research. In this case, the author explains that her approach to the study of this feeling has been through feeling. “I have tried throughout the course of my research and writing to remain honest, clear-headed, and open-minded, and to follow the dictates of reason and empirical observation in my descriptions and analyses of the events I have sought to comprehend. But I have not attempted to be "objective" in the common sense of this term. I have never pretended to be disinterested or uninvolved in the lives of my informants, and I have never set my own feelings aside. Only by heeding them have I been able to learn the lessons that I try, in this volume, to pass on.”
Then she presents Western expectations of India which are included some stereotypes as India is "more spiritual" than the West, its people "impoverished," "non materialistic," "fatalistic," and "other-worldly," its society structured according to a "rigid caste hierarchy," its women "repressed" and "submissive," its villagers "tradition-bound" and "past-oriented," their behavior ordered by "rituals" and constrained by "rules" of "purity" and "pollution."
Then she confesses that one thing she had learned in India was that “these words are just words, our words, to refer to certain scattered events occurring in South Asia. The propositions they imply are partial truths, half truths, and anyone going to India who expects all of Indian life to confirm to them will find herself merely deluded and confused. It would almost be better, I think, if we could abandon such words, all those words that imply explanation and understanding of such a large place as India.”
She has tried, anyway, in her own narrative not to lean on such words too much. Another interesting thing for me is that how the anthropologist as a woman, compare herself to other women whom she is working and studying on them. She expresses about this concern: “The women I knew there, for instance, were more aggressive than me, more openly sexual than me, more free in their criticisms of their men than me. Here in America I often get in trouble for arguing, losing my temper, speaking my mind.”
She honestly discloses herself in her book when she talks about one of her Indian women friend’s question: "is it your habit to bow and defer to everyone?" She confesses that:
My personality in Tamil Nadu was no more sweet and obliging than it is in America; if anything, I was more short-tempered there. As for Anni, she was milder than many Tamil women I knew indeed, she was known for her patient and loving nature. But when she accused me, through her question, of excessive deference, she was not being sarcastic. Compared to her, I was a little mouse. The notion of the repressed and submissive Indian woman simply did not apply to the people among whom I lived-and yet in some ways it did. Anni would not have been Anni without her fidelity to her men and her ability to endure hardship for their sake, to do without while they did with. She was proud of these qualities of hers and wore them fiercely. They entitled her to speak freely and to walk with her head held high...."
What I am looking for is that how the anthropologist expresses herself through telling the story of her research. In this case, the author explains that her approach to the study of this feeling has been through feeling. “I have tried throughout the course of my research and writing to remain honest, clear-headed, and open-minded, and to follow the dictates of reason and empirical observation in my descriptions and analyses of the events I have sought to comprehend. But I have not attempted to be "objective" in the common sense of this term. I have never pretended to be disinterested or uninvolved in the lives of my informants, and I have never set my own feelings aside. Only by heeding them have I been able to learn the lessons that I try, in this volume, to pass on.”
Then she presents Western expectations of India which are included some stereotypes as India is "more spiritual" than the West, its people "impoverished," "non materialistic," "fatalistic," and "other-worldly," its society structured according to a "rigid caste hierarchy," its women "repressed" and "submissive," its villagers "tradition-bound" and "past-oriented," their behavior ordered by "rituals" and constrained by "rules" of "purity" and "pollution."
Then she confesses that one thing she had learned in India was that “these words are just words, our words, to refer to certain scattered events occurring in South Asia. The propositions they imply are partial truths, half truths, and anyone going to India who expects all of Indian life to confirm to them will find herself merely deluded and confused. It would almost be better, I think, if we could abandon such words, all those words that imply explanation and understanding of such a large place as India.”
She has tried, anyway, in her own narrative not to lean on such words too much. Another interesting thing for me is that how the anthropologist as a woman, compare herself to other women whom she is working and studying on them. She expresses about this concern: “The women I knew there, for instance, were more aggressive than me, more openly sexual than me, more free in their criticisms of their men than me. Here in America I often get in trouble for arguing, losing my temper, speaking my mind.”
She honestly discloses herself in her book when she talks about one of her Indian women friend’s question: "is it your habit to bow and defer to everyone?" She confesses that:
My personality in Tamil Nadu was no more sweet and obliging than it is in America; if anything, I was more short-tempered there. As for Anni, she was milder than many Tamil women I knew indeed, she was known for her patient and loving nature. But when she accused me, through her question, of excessive deference, she was not being sarcastic. Compared to her, I was a little mouse. The notion of the repressed and submissive Indian woman simply did not apply to the people among whom I lived-and yet in some ways it did. Anni would not have been Anni without her fidelity to her men and her ability to endure hardship for their sake, to do without while they did with. She was proud of these qualities of hers and wore them fiercely. They entitled her to speak freely and to walk with her head held high...."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Hidden
Here, I have encountered many house where they don't have any curtain and at nights you can see inside of the house!
It is amazing to me! and totally different from my nurturing up in a country where people cover all windows with heavy curtains... There were a lot to hide...
It is amazing to me! and totally different from my nurturing up in a country where people cover all windows with heavy curtains... There were a lot to hide...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
One Step Closer
I forgot to write here how much I appreciate the writing style of ethnographers and anthropologists. When I encounter this kind of writing, a flower of hope bloomed in my mind that the way of writting is not so long and unaccessible as I ever think.
This style is a wonderful option. It is academic style of writing as well as a literary. It is story but a real one. It is reality but writen in as a story, attractive, engaging and lovely...
Can I use this style of writing?
That small exercise in my Ethnography Methodology course showed me I am able to do.
I think it was the first time I felt I could put my reactions, emotions and experiences in a writing... I ever know that my writings are something mechanical and they are lack of any emotions... I mean that my writing has been "separated" from me... In this exercise, my writing was "me" and "I" wan my writing... What is the nature and sense of writing and the pleasure of writing, if it is not this?
This style is a wonderful option. It is academic style of writing as well as a literary. It is story but a real one. It is reality but writen in as a story, attractive, engaging and lovely...
Can I use this style of writing?
That small exercise in my Ethnography Methodology course showed me I am able to do.
I think it was the first time I felt I could put my reactions, emotions and experiences in a writing... I ever know that my writings are something mechanical and they are lack of any emotions... I mean that my writing has been "separated" from me... In this exercise, my writing was "me" and "I" wan my writing... What is the nature and sense of writing and the pleasure of writing, if it is not this?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Be Brave
What does it mean "to be brave in knowing"?
Being aware of the truth and of the reality of different issues is not a simple job.It is not easy to accept the truth which is different from what you have thought at that time. Sometimes, what is the truth is deconstructed whatever you have made for as an element of your identity. Is it easy to destroy everything to get the truth?
It is the way I am guessing now. I am not prod of it and I am disgusted about. But particularly in one recent year I feel I prefer not to know the "truth" of stuff. I am afraid of the truth. I am here to confess that I am afraid and it is not something I am proud of...
I think it is true about everybody. We see people who start to mocking, insulting, screaming and on and on when they encounter something different their ideas, their beliefs and their actions and practices... These refectory reactions is because of afraid... They do not want to encounter something maybe ruin their past actions, beliefs and behaviours. They are not brave enough to accept that they have done wrong and they should change their style.
Unfortunately, these reactions happen unconsciously and we just get frustrated or mournful or hatred when we see or hear something different from our thinking. When we start to insulting, mocking, frustrating, ridiculing and etc. it when we are getting that this new stuff seems better, more logical, more rational, more beneficial but we can not accept... This CONSCIOUSNESS'S and AWARENESS make us angry and we start shouting... we open our mouth and lock our mind...
*
I should confess that though I have always been skeptic about the accuracy of my beliefs and thoughts and challenged them all the time, I am not brave enough to hear something different from my structures. I don't open my mouth and shut my mind but I feel frighted extremely much... I am not powerful enough to challenge new truth... I feel so week to encounter something to destroy my system of present thoughts...
I am sad very much about this matter but my mind and my soul is weaker than to tolerate so much pressure on something which have constructed my identity; mu identity regardless of true elements or false elements...
Now, I perceive by all my mind cells that what is the exact meaning of "be brave in knowing".
And I am who have written for many times that "my greatest pleasure in the world is the pleasure of awareness and consciousness"
I am not proud of the status I stand now...
Being aware of the truth and of the reality of different issues is not a simple job.It is not easy to accept the truth which is different from what you have thought at that time. Sometimes, what is the truth is deconstructed whatever you have made for as an element of your identity. Is it easy to destroy everything to get the truth?
It is the way I am guessing now. I am not prod of it and I am disgusted about. But particularly in one recent year I feel I prefer not to know the "truth" of stuff. I am afraid of the truth. I am here to confess that I am afraid and it is not something I am proud of...
I think it is true about everybody. We see people who start to mocking, insulting, screaming and on and on when they encounter something different their ideas, their beliefs and their actions and practices... These refectory reactions is because of afraid... They do not want to encounter something maybe ruin their past actions, beliefs and behaviours. They are not brave enough to accept that they have done wrong and they should change their style.
Unfortunately, these reactions happen unconsciously and we just get frustrated or mournful or hatred when we see or hear something different from our thinking. When we start to insulting, mocking, frustrating, ridiculing and etc. it when we are getting that this new stuff seems better, more logical, more rational, more beneficial but we can not accept... This CONSCIOUSNESS'S and AWARENESS make us angry and we start shouting... we open our mouth and lock our mind...
*
I should confess that though I have always been skeptic about the accuracy of my beliefs and thoughts and challenged them all the time, I am not brave enough to hear something different from my structures. I don't open my mouth and shut my mind but I feel frighted extremely much... I am not powerful enough to challenge new truth... I feel so week to encounter something to destroy my system of present thoughts...
I am sad very much about this matter but my mind and my soul is weaker than to tolerate so much pressure on something which have constructed my identity; mu identity regardless of true elements or false elements...
Now, I perceive by all my mind cells that what is the exact meaning of "be brave in knowing".
And I am who have written for many times that "my greatest pleasure in the world is the pleasure of awareness and consciousness"
I am not proud of the status I stand now...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
New Fields of Study
I don't know why I am interested in working on topics which have not researched so much! What I am reading about now is social capital, Internet, blogging and social network analysis. I hope that I will be able to present my PhD proposal in communication in this field but unfortunately, there are a few scholar works on social science particularly in the field of Internet. In fact, I did not find anything about social capital in the cyberspace with the focus on the blogging.
In addition, social network analysis as a methodology is not acceptable by all scholars in Social Science different branches and connecting among these new concepts are not easy to me.
I hope I will find something useful to base my research on it.
I sent an abstract for IAMCR international conference in Gender and Communication section. The head of the section wrote to me:
"I have received the abstract and we are now reviewing the materials. We should have final word in a month or so, but, given how well you did last year, and how interesting your topic was, I would anticipate at your proposal will be accepted.
No guarantees, of course (and I have to consult with the other organizers of our section), but that would be my early guess."
The previous year was the first time I participated in this conference. Actually, my paper seemed fascinating for audience!
Wow! Well done!
In addition, social network analysis as a methodology is not acceptable by all scholars in Social Science different branches and connecting among these new concepts are not easy to me.
I hope I will find something useful to base my research on it.
I sent an abstract for IAMCR international conference in Gender and Communication section. The head of the section wrote to me:
"I have received the abstract and we are now reviewing the materials. We should have final word in a month or so, but, given how well you did last year, and how interesting your topic was, I would anticipate at your proposal will be accepted.
No guarantees, of course (and I have to consult with the other organizers of our section), but that would be my early guess."
The previous year was the first time I participated in this conference. Actually, my paper seemed fascinating for audience!
Wow! Well done!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Researcher's body relationship to the fieldwork
I am reading “Paris chic, Tehran Thrill: aesthetic bodies, political objects” by Alexandru Balasescu for this week.
What I would like to investigate is that how anthropologists explain their own bodies’ reactions to different locations and circumstances in the fieldwork. I am also interested in examining how they illustrate and depict embodiment and especially female bodies in their anthropological reports.
This book is about fashion industry in Paris and Tehran and a sort of comparison of Paris, as a center of world’s fashion and Tehran, as a capital of a radical Islamic country. Obviously, in this book fashion and consequently body are the focus of anthropologist’s gaze. (p.1) so, discussion about female body is a key concept throughout the book.
Balasescu in the introduction of the book compares generally the status of body in Paris and Tehran. Since he has done urban fieldwork for his research, he pays especial attention to the location and space for body flexibility in the society. “In Paris, considering the density of population and scarcity of space, the body has to be more restrained; in the metro, one has to sit straight, often with legs crossed in order to leave more space for others.” (p. 14)
By exploring the body and embodiment as sites of knowledge and knowledge production, he engages cultural norms determining the relationship of bodies to specific sites, behaviors and destinies. In the following of the previous quotation, he adds: “People from Tehran have much more space at their disposition. However, gender distinction prescribes bodily postures in Iran: men do not have any social restrictions concerning their body postures, at least in public spaces. Thus, in Tehran, even if men and women share a small space, e.g. a common taxi, men tend to occupy the entire seat, and leave little space for their female seatmates.”
In his first sojourn in Tehran, he tries to order a suit of clothes. The result turns out to be a large dress, floating around his body “in the normal way”. Interestingly, the anthropologist reacts to the situation: “I felt that my body had lost its shape!” He mentions this event as a “first hand experience” and adds: “it made me think about the architecture and the environment. Contours and shapes create our field of visibility, and obviously I experienced a major change between Paris and Tehran.
What I would like to investigate is that how anthropologists explain their own bodies’ reactions to different locations and circumstances in the fieldwork. I am also interested in examining how they illustrate and depict embodiment and especially female bodies in their anthropological reports.
This book is about fashion industry in Paris and Tehran and a sort of comparison of Paris, as a center of world’s fashion and Tehran, as a capital of a radical Islamic country. Obviously, in this book fashion and consequently body are the focus of anthropologist’s gaze. (p.1) so, discussion about female body is a key concept throughout the book.
Balasescu in the introduction of the book compares generally the status of body in Paris and Tehran. Since he has done urban fieldwork for his research, he pays especial attention to the location and space for body flexibility in the society. “In Paris, considering the density of population and scarcity of space, the body has to be more restrained; in the metro, one has to sit straight, often with legs crossed in order to leave more space for others.” (p. 14)
By exploring the body and embodiment as sites of knowledge and knowledge production, he engages cultural norms determining the relationship of bodies to specific sites, behaviors and destinies. In the following of the previous quotation, he adds: “People from Tehran have much more space at their disposition. However, gender distinction prescribes bodily postures in Iran: men do not have any social restrictions concerning their body postures, at least in public spaces. Thus, in Tehran, even if men and women share a small space, e.g. a common taxi, men tend to occupy the entire seat, and leave little space for their female seatmates.”
In his first sojourn in Tehran, he tries to order a suit of clothes. The result turns out to be a large dress, floating around his body “in the normal way”. Interestingly, the anthropologist reacts to the situation: “I felt that my body had lost its shape!” He mentions this event as a “first hand experience” and adds: “it made me think about the architecture and the environment. Contours and shapes create our field of visibility, and obviously I experienced a major change between Paris and Tehran.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I Am Happy
I am happy I am here in Canada.
I am happy I am able to read everyday.
I am happy my closed mind is opening...
I am happy I got a wonderful scholarship that make us to afford living costs...
I am happy I am overwhelmed by new ideas and plans everyday...
I am happy I reach the fertile soil...
I am happy I am blossoming...
P.S. I should learn to make films! Documentary films... I should concentrate on this channel of knowledge circulation! Why all the academics products should be a paper or a book?! Films are more effective, influential and actually impressive which a broader range of audience... I should learn to be a filmmaker...
I am happy I am able to read everyday.
I am happy my closed mind is opening...
I am happy I got a wonderful scholarship that make us to afford living costs...
I am happy I am overwhelmed by new ideas and plans everyday...
I am happy I reach the fertile soil...
I am happy I am blossoming...
P.S. I should learn to make films! Documentary films... I should concentrate on this channel of knowledge circulation! Why all the academics products should be a paper or a book?! Films are more effective, influential and actually impressive which a broader range of audience... I should learn to be a filmmaker...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Women Autobiographies
I am preparing an abstract for this IAMCR's international conference. I would like to work on the content of women's blog, especially journal blogs which are about everyday life and ordinary events. I am sure that we should register these posts because nowhere we are able to find this tremendous amount of content of everyday life, ordinary events from ordinary people! They are the best content for social researches.
I will mostly focus on the texts and survey them from the literary perspective particularly concentrate on them as life narratives and autobiographies.
I found a fascinating book (Reading Autobiography: A Guide for Interpreting Life Narratives) which made me delighted. It is a practical guidebook with clear ategorized conceptialization in this regard even for unfamiliar reader.
My main concern, as always, remains! I don't know what I should do about the methodology and sampling of weblogs for this kind of research. I should consult to one of my professors.
I will mostly focus on the texts and survey them from the literary perspective particularly concentrate on them as life narratives and autobiographies.
I found a fascinating book (Reading Autobiography: A Guide for Interpreting Life Narratives) which made me delighted. It is a practical guidebook with clear ategorized conceptialization in this regard even for unfamiliar reader.
My main concern, as always, remains! I don't know what I should do about the methodology and sampling of weblogs for this kind of research. I should consult to one of my professors.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Outliers
I finished "Outliers: the story of Success" by Malcolm Gladwell today.
It was the first English book I read in two days completely! It reminded me the teenager's addition to reading books without any stop! I was book worm actually!
This book was thought-provoking and insightful. I really enjoyed of the multidimensional approach of Gladwell to the notion of success.
I mean that his approach to the success was not unilateral, overlooking various several impressive factors. It was also a very good sample in English writing for me, as a recent reader in English language. Especially, the beginning of the book was astonishing. The style of writing was engrossing and engaging.
I mostly liked the discussion about putting 10000 hours on "anything" and be global master in it. In addition, the engaging argument about the language and culture differences in in airoplanes' crushes was so intriguing for me.
I will undoubtedly start reading his other books soon.
It was the first English book I read in two days completely! It reminded me the teenager's addition to reading books without any stop! I was book worm actually!
This book was thought-provoking and insightful. I really enjoyed of the multidimensional approach of Gladwell to the notion of success.
I mean that his approach to the success was not unilateral, overlooking various several impressive factors. It was also a very good sample in English writing for me, as a recent reader in English language. Especially, the beginning of the book was astonishing. The style of writing was engrossing and engaging.
I mostly liked the discussion about putting 10000 hours on "anything" and be global master in it. In addition, the engaging argument about the language and culture differences in in airoplanes' crushes was so intriguing for me.
I will undoubtedly start reading his other books soon.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Social Network
Since I have been interested in Social Networks, I have decided to read more about it.
"Social networks and the study of relations: networks as method, metaphor and form" by Hannah Knox, Mike Savage and Penny Harvey which was published in Economy and Society,Vol. 35 No. 1 Feb. 2006, 113-140.
It was interesting cause I don't know much about this issue, this paper had summarized key studies in two fields of Social Network Analysis (SNA) and Social Anthropology with this approach.
When I was reading I felt that the "field" of social network in my mind has many thousand off lamps which by reading this paper those lamps are turned on one by one. although they became sporadically without any special relations, I know the more I read about the topic, the lamps will be on. It is in this way always when I encounter to the new field of study.
I read another paper about two weeks ago which I liked. "The Vulgar Spirit of Blogging": On Language, and Power in Persian Weblogestan" by Alireza Doostdar in American Anthropologist, Vol. 106, Issue 4, pp. 651-662.
The most fascinating point about this paper was its methodology. Participatory observation is the first and most acceptable method in Anthropology. He had used this method for researching on blogs! He created his own blog and reading all blog and write about them, commenting n others' posts and link them interestingly claims that used participatory observation!
I love anthropologists who have done in a wide various range of research topics.
"Social networks and the study of relations: networks as method, metaphor and form" by Hannah Knox, Mike Savage and Penny Harvey which was published in Economy and Society,Vol. 35 No. 1 Feb. 2006, 113-140.
It was interesting cause I don't know much about this issue, this paper had summarized key studies in two fields of Social Network Analysis (SNA) and Social Anthropology with this approach.
When I was reading I felt that the "field" of social network in my mind has many thousand off lamps which by reading this paper those lamps are turned on one by one. although they became sporadically without any special relations, I know the more I read about the topic, the lamps will be on. It is in this way always when I encounter to the new field of study.
I read another paper about two weeks ago which I liked. "The Vulgar Spirit of Blogging": On Language, and Power in Persian Weblogestan" by Alireza Doostdar in American Anthropologist, Vol. 106, Issue 4, pp. 651-662.
The most fascinating point about this paper was its methodology. Participatory observation is the first and most acceptable method in Anthropology. He had used this method for researching on blogs! He created his own blog and reading all blog and write about them, commenting n others' posts and link them interestingly claims that used participatory observation!
I love anthropologists who have done in a wide various range of research topics.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ethnographic Methodology
I finished my first assignment for Ethnographic Methodology. I like it so much!
I wrote in the last paragraphs:
During last week I have thought about how I should organize my report on this exercise. Now, I see that it is 3501 words and much more than necessary. Why I am writing these seemingly useless words?! Because during this exercise I have found out how much the researcher, her background, her emotions, her knowledge, and her experiences can shape the nature of the research in participatory observation. I feel guilty a little bit because I think I have not observed my sites very well and seemed I have observed myself, as a researcher, rather than my sites! And I have collected data about myself rather than the observed. This exercise is really helping me to discover myself rather than “others”. Maybe I have done wrong in the process of doing exercise. But I have never known that to be dominant on the new place is so much important to me!
In other hand, there are some unanswered questions in my mind. Is knowledge production in Ethnography, especially in this method, dependent on the researcher’s life, emotion, knowledge, experience, etc. so much? The process of the research has been wonderful for me, as a researcher. I actually feel that I have done something inner and valuable for my exercise and I have learned many new points during this practical work. I will follow this method for my future real researches undoubtedly. But am I eligible to be in the center of the research? Can I say it was my first experience and I was excited more than usual in using a new method? Can I imagine that passing time and dominating to mechanisms of this method will help me in the future?
I finish this report which this concern; Maybe I have not applied the true principles of participatory observation methodologically but I cannot deny my great pleasure in experiencing a qualitative method which “respect and value” me as a researcher personally…
I wrote in the last paragraphs:
During last week I have thought about how I should organize my report on this exercise. Now, I see that it is 3501 words and much more than necessary. Why I am writing these seemingly useless words?! Because during this exercise I have found out how much the researcher, her background, her emotions, her knowledge, and her experiences can shape the nature of the research in participatory observation. I feel guilty a little bit because I think I have not observed my sites very well and seemed I have observed myself, as a researcher, rather than my sites! And I have collected data about myself rather than the observed. This exercise is really helping me to discover myself rather than “others”. Maybe I have done wrong in the process of doing exercise. But I have never known that to be dominant on the new place is so much important to me!
In other hand, there are some unanswered questions in my mind. Is knowledge production in Ethnography, especially in this method, dependent on the researcher’s life, emotion, knowledge, experience, etc. so much? The process of the research has been wonderful for me, as a researcher. I actually feel that I have done something inner and valuable for my exercise and I have learned many new points during this practical work. I will follow this method for my future real researches undoubtedly. But am I eligible to be in the center of the research? Can I say it was my first experience and I was excited more than usual in using a new method? Can I imagine that passing time and dominating to mechanisms of this method will help me in the future?
I finish this report which this concern; Maybe I have not applied the true principles of participatory observation methodologically but I cannot deny my great pleasure in experiencing a qualitative method which “respect and value” me as a researcher personally…
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Immigrant Reserchers
Yesterday I encountered a horrible point in the book I was reading:
"Researchers studying the economically and politically powerful, women studying men, people of color studying whites… all can be in situation in which their ability to control the interaction is limited, particularly when it is ace-to-face."
In this part, the author was talking about researcher's privilages which enable her to produce "knowledge"! (I will discuss about it in another post)
But what was terrible to me about this quotation is that I, as a Middle Eastern female researcher, don't have sufficient privilage for researching in the West! Isn't it disgusting?! When I contemplate and think more about this issue, remember my Asian classmates in my Canadian university. All Asian, though they are the best in the university, are working on Asian cultures. I mean that all of them are researching on their country or if they are so intellectual, they are working on immigration and diaspora. I know some part of this matter is natural and people's research interests are directly related to the life experience and those people have some kind of experiences which can help them to research on topics as "insider" not "outsider" but I think it is not all the issue... Unfortunately, I should confess that the other side of the coin is that it is resulted from DISABILITY not lacking of interests in other areas of research. Regardless of which field of social science these students are studying, all prefer to research on mentioned topics. I mean that it is happening in all branches of social sciences. I do know that these kinds of research topics are interesting for the West and they welcome these students and their topics but I don't like this kind of welcome! I am sure the in the back of West's researchers' mind is that we have not privilage to work on topic which they are working. It's better we work on our own topics and leave the new challenging research topics for them who are Western white privilaged researchers!
I am upset because I am aware that the circle of my choice in research areas is very limited. If I was free enough to choose whatever I want to research on, maybe I would select immigiration, Iran or diaspora but this situation is not desirable. This feeling that I OUGHT TO WORK these fields of research instead of CHOOSE to work on them, bothers me so much and also in all moments remind me that I, as a Middle Eastern female researcher, regardless of my research abilities, don't have a privilage as a Western white English speaker researcher... Terrible, horrible, dreadfull, disperating....
"Researchers studying the economically and politically powerful, women studying men, people of color studying whites… all can be in situation in which their ability to control the interaction is limited, particularly when it is ace-to-face."
In this part, the author was talking about researcher's privilages which enable her to produce "knowledge"! (I will discuss about it in another post)
But what was terrible to me about this quotation is that I, as a Middle Eastern female researcher, don't have sufficient privilage for researching in the West! Isn't it disgusting?! When I contemplate and think more about this issue, remember my Asian classmates in my Canadian university. All Asian, though they are the best in the university, are working on Asian cultures. I mean that all of them are researching on their country or if they are so intellectual, they are working on immigration and diaspora. I know some part of this matter is natural and people's research interests are directly related to the life experience and those people have some kind of experiences which can help them to research on topics as "insider" not "outsider" but I think it is not all the issue... Unfortunately, I should confess that the other side of the coin is that it is resulted from DISABILITY not lacking of interests in other areas of research. Regardless of which field of social science these students are studying, all prefer to research on mentioned topics. I mean that it is happening in all branches of social sciences. I do know that these kinds of research topics are interesting for the West and they welcome these students and their topics but I don't like this kind of welcome! I am sure the in the back of West's researchers' mind is that we have not privilage to work on topic which they are working. It's better we work on our own topics and leave the new challenging research topics for them who are Western white privilaged researchers!
I am upset because I am aware that the circle of my choice in research areas is very limited. If I was free enough to choose whatever I want to research on, maybe I would select immigiration, Iran or diaspora but this situation is not desirable. This feeling that I OUGHT TO WORK these fields of research instead of CHOOSE to work on them, bothers me so much and also in all moments remind me that I, as a Middle Eastern female researcher, regardless of my research abilities, don't have a privilage as a Western white English speaker researcher... Terrible, horrible, dreadfull, disperating....
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Feminist Methodology 2
Joey Sprague. 2005. Feminist Methodologies for Critical Researchers: Bridging Differences. New York: Altamira Press. ISBN 0-7591-0903-6
Sprague book was so fascinating to me and I could find most of my concerns and criticisms about methodology in her book. I was so absorbed to this book that I really felt I wrote it! I say it to show how much this book discussed about my mental involvements regarding to methodology in Social Science in general. I also was engrossed by her critical approach to the methodology as a whole. I mean that she presented everything in a logical manner while simultaneously she kept her critical discussions about all mentioned issues.
I will present the interesting quotes of the chapters we supposed to read and discuss about my reactions in italics.
… I discovered an answer to my question in the sociology of knowledge, and in its analysis of the way social structure influences the contests and form of common sense and culture, and thus our understanding of ourselves and the world. (Sprague, p 4)
This is an approach in the discussion of the necessity of paying attention to the methodology which I have never encountered in the previous many text books in the field of social methodologies. I think starting from the sociology of knowledge and talking about how much important we consider to the process of knowledge production is a cute and shrewd justification for why methodology is sustainable to draw researchers’ attention. It is persuading and cogent to me to accept her arguments.
The notion of the public and the private as distinct spheres of social life is possible to maintain only at a high level of abstraction… Feminist were the first to show that the personal is not just the social; it is political. (Sprague, p 9)
I think this issue is very considerable to me especially since I am interested in working on the social and personal impact of new technologies, this discussion can be useful. Binary of public and private is suitably can be studies in the user of cell phones, chat rooms, bloggers and etc. I wish I could find more material regarding to the issue. Specifily the last part of the quotation is more important to me which she mentioned the personal is political which I was eager to know more from a feminist perspective which unfortunately she didn’t talk about it much. This feminism claim can be applied in the studying in the functions of new technologies in everyday lives. I am strongly thinking that I can use of this idea in the analysis of Iranian women blogs contents.
Research questions are more likely to explore the deficiencies of those in disadvantaged social positions than of those with social power… (p 10)
I think it is one of the noticeable problems of the social sciences methodology. Although it is claimed that the final goal of any social research is making a better world for living and emphasis on the consideration into the marginalized groups, I think it is one of the weaknesses of social research as a whole. I think it is not right necessarily, working on social problems, crimes and difficulties eventuate in solving current problems and present suitable solutions for equality. Where is the share of the good affairs? And true processes? Why social sciences just focus on the sadness instead of the happiness? Why there is an inclination in social science to mourn for bad aspects of social life instead of rejoice at the prospective individuals, their pattern of success and influential plans for social change?! I think it is an interesting topic should be discussed and really the current social science methodology needs a huge paradigm shift!
..... dichotomies hide social relations that allow members of one social category to benefit at the expense of those in another… They are ways of constructing social relationships that facilitate social domination. (15)
It’s very interesting which I didn’t pay attention to before. Her examples are very good can explain the subject. It’s very considerable issue and I should keep in mind!
What distinguishes critical from uncritical research is not the method used, but how the method is used, both technically and politically. (27)
This is a claim which is questionable to me. It is not totally clear what is the exact purpose of the author by “how the method is used”. How really the methods should be used in order to be labeled as “critical” or “feminist”? It seems it is something that cannot be explain easily and is interpreted on the researcher own experience in the social research. Furthermore, I am really eager to contemplate more on the adverb of “politically” and know more about it which again unfortunately Sprague didn’t describe it in details and didn’t represent the signified matters.
….. interviewees responded very differently depending on the race/ethnicity of the interviewer. (124)
It is a very fascinating observation. I got surprised to read this part. I said bravo to the author to mention to this practical and basic point which maybe seems unimportant but in a deep review very significant and valuable which has the capability to change the results of the research totally!
“Increasing the researcher/researched connection” was one of my favorite parts of the chapter 5 of Sprague book. I read this part word by word enthusiastically!
Feminists have tried to make the relationship which research subjects more reciprocal, they have used their emotions, and they have drawn on their own biographies to increase empathy and understanding. (134)
I have always thought about the status of emotions and what I call “the sixth sense” in the process of social research and especially at the end of the research when we want to interpret the gathered data and information. I have believed that there should be a room for researcher perception and sixth sense which none of the steps of the expected methods mention about! I was surprised that feminists are using emotions as analytic guides and I am very curious to know more about it, the examples, process and etc.
…..emotions are not purely private experiences. “Emotions result from applying personal interpretations of collectively-created rules to the situations in which we find ourselves. (135)
How many people subscribe to the top-ranked journal, American Sociological Review, and how few actually read it? There also the one about how often readers skip the methods section when reading quantitative papers. (p 21)
It is an interesting point! Really, how many people read journal articles? The total amount of time which all readers put on a certain paper in a high-ranked journal is equal to the amount of time which the author put to prepare and publish the paper?! I don’t think so! Doesn’t the academia should review the academic criteria for promoting the rank of the university’s instructors?!
Sprague book was so fascinating to me and I could find most of my concerns and criticisms about methodology in her book. I was so absorbed to this book that I really felt I wrote it! I say it to show how much this book discussed about my mental involvements regarding to methodology in Social Science in general. I also was engrossed by her critical approach to the methodology as a whole. I mean that she presented everything in a logical manner while simultaneously she kept her critical discussions about all mentioned issues.
I will present the interesting quotes of the chapters we supposed to read and discuss about my reactions in italics.
… I discovered an answer to my question in the sociology of knowledge, and in its analysis of the way social structure influences the contests and form of common sense and culture, and thus our understanding of ourselves and the world. (Sprague, p 4)
This is an approach in the discussion of the necessity of paying attention to the methodology which I have never encountered in the previous many text books in the field of social methodologies. I think starting from the sociology of knowledge and talking about how much important we consider to the process of knowledge production is a cute and shrewd justification for why methodology is sustainable to draw researchers’ attention. It is persuading and cogent to me to accept her arguments.
The notion of the public and the private as distinct spheres of social life is possible to maintain only at a high level of abstraction… Feminist were the first to show that the personal is not just the social; it is political. (Sprague, p 9)
I think this issue is very considerable to me especially since I am interested in working on the social and personal impact of new technologies, this discussion can be useful. Binary of public and private is suitably can be studies in the user of cell phones, chat rooms, bloggers and etc. I wish I could find more material regarding to the issue. Specifily the last part of the quotation is more important to me which she mentioned the personal is political which I was eager to know more from a feminist perspective which unfortunately she didn’t talk about it much. This feminism claim can be applied in the studying in the functions of new technologies in everyday lives. I am strongly thinking that I can use of this idea in the analysis of Iranian women blogs contents.
Research questions are more likely to explore the deficiencies of those in disadvantaged social positions than of those with social power… (p 10)
I think it is one of the noticeable problems of the social sciences methodology. Although it is claimed that the final goal of any social research is making a better world for living and emphasis on the consideration into the marginalized groups, I think it is one of the weaknesses of social research as a whole. I think it is not right necessarily, working on social problems, crimes and difficulties eventuate in solving current problems and present suitable solutions for equality. Where is the share of the good affairs? And true processes? Why social sciences just focus on the sadness instead of the happiness? Why there is an inclination in social science to mourn for bad aspects of social life instead of rejoice at the prospective individuals, their pattern of success and influential plans for social change?! I think it is an interesting topic should be discussed and really the current social science methodology needs a huge paradigm shift!
..... dichotomies hide social relations that allow members of one social category to benefit at the expense of those in another… They are ways of constructing social relationships that facilitate social domination. (15)
It’s very interesting which I didn’t pay attention to before. Her examples are very good can explain the subject. It’s very considerable issue and I should keep in mind!
What distinguishes critical from uncritical research is not the method used, but how the method is used, both technically and politically. (27)
This is a claim which is questionable to me. It is not totally clear what is the exact purpose of the author by “how the method is used”. How really the methods should be used in order to be labeled as “critical” or “feminist”? It seems it is something that cannot be explain easily and is interpreted on the researcher own experience in the social research. Furthermore, I am really eager to contemplate more on the adverb of “politically” and know more about it which again unfortunately Sprague didn’t describe it in details and didn’t represent the signified matters.
….. interviewees responded very differently depending on the race/ethnicity of the interviewer. (124)
It is a very fascinating observation. I got surprised to read this part. I said bravo to the author to mention to this practical and basic point which maybe seems unimportant but in a deep review very significant and valuable which has the capability to change the results of the research totally!
“Increasing the researcher/researched connection” was one of my favorite parts of the chapter 5 of Sprague book. I read this part word by word enthusiastically!
Feminists have tried to make the relationship which research subjects more reciprocal, they have used their emotions, and they have drawn on their own biographies to increase empathy and understanding. (134)
I have always thought about the status of emotions and what I call “the sixth sense” in the process of social research and especially at the end of the research when we want to interpret the gathered data and information. I have believed that there should be a room for researcher perception and sixth sense which none of the steps of the expected methods mention about! I was surprised that feminists are using emotions as analytic guides and I am very curious to know more about it, the examples, process and etc.
…..emotions are not purely private experiences. “Emotions result from applying personal interpretations of collectively-created rules to the situations in which we find ourselves. (135)
How many people subscribe to the top-ranked journal, American Sociological Review, and how few actually read it? There also the one about how often readers skip the methods section when reading quantitative papers. (p 21)
It is an interesting point! Really, how many people read journal articles? The total amount of time which all readers put on a certain paper in a high-ranked journal is equal to the amount of time which the author put to prepare and publish the paper?! I don’t think so! Doesn’t the academia should review the academic criteria for promoting the rank of the university’s instructors?!
Feminist Methodology 1
The following are the books we supposed to read for Feminist Methodology course.
1. Sandra L. Kirby, Lorraine Greaves and Colleen Reid. 2006. Experience Research Social Change: Methods Beyond the Mainstream. Peterborough, ON: Broadview Press. Second Edition (pbk).
ISBN-13: 978-1-55193-056-5; ISBN-10: 1-55193-056-0
2. Joey Sprague. 2005. Feminist Methodologies for Critical Researchers: Bridging Differences. New York: Altamira Press. ISBN 0-7591-0903-6 (pbk)
3. Reinharz, Shulamit. 1992. Feminist Methods in Social Research. New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-19-507386-X
I will present the interesting quotes of the two chapters of Feminist Methodology books and discuss about my reactions in italics.
We chose to use second (you) and third (we, us, our) person throughout the text as a way of actualizing our belief that we, the authors, and you, the readers, are all in this research process together. (Kirby, p 1) I like the approach of the authors because they value for the readers and also themselves who are sure can really learn something to the readers.
Research, which so far has been largely the instrument of dominance and legitimation of power elites, must be brought to serve the interests of dominated, exploited and oppressed groups. (Kirby, p 1) It’s interesting because by this approach we can expect the practical outcome of researches which always seem so abstract!
Historically, many groups have been excluded from participating in, describing and analyzing their own understanding of reality. In many ways, understanding and going research can be seen as a formal literacy. (Kirby, p 2) It is important to all of us that the processes of investigating the world not remain a specialized activity. Everyday life skills of observation, data collection, reflection, analysis and interpretation can be enhanced with basic research training. By claiming access to the research enterprise, all people can produce or interpret evidence in ways that reflect their reality and contribute to a more comprehensive view of life. (p 2)
It’s interesting simultaneously dangerous. Interesting because research can be voice of marginalized people and make them to come to the context and dangerous because the evaluation of the research will be complicated and unclear. Increasingly, research is beginning to reflect the experiences and concerns of people who have traditionally been marginalized by the research process. (Kirby, p 3)
We believe that different methodologies carry with them specific underlying assumptions that will shape the way information is gathered and the kind of knowledge created. (Kirby, p 5)
Is it true that sometimes choosing a specific method can have different outcomes? If the outcome is not totally different, at least it would have different aspects. In fact, in different methods different parts of the issues are highlighted and consequently analyzed and interpreted.
The feminist methodological literature centered on four central questions;
1. Is there a feminist research method?
2. If so, what does it actually consist of?
3. Should there be a feminist research method?
4. What is the relation between feminist research methods and other methods? (Reinharz)
I like her approach and it seems she has done a profound job on the current existent literature in methodology and put her efforts to find the feminist tendencies in methodology which make be to respect her as an author. I mean when she mentions to this point, makes an invisible authority for herself in the text; an authority that make me accept her as an expert in the field of feminist methodology!
A person didn’t have to identify her research method as “feminist research method” but rather had to identify herself as a feminist doing research. (Ibid)
It was not completely clear to me what she exactly means when she express the approach should be feminist not the methodology.
1. Sandra L. Kirby, Lorraine Greaves and Colleen Reid. 2006. Experience Research Social Change: Methods Beyond the Mainstream. Peterborough, ON: Broadview Press. Second Edition (pbk).
ISBN-13: 978-1-55193-056-5; ISBN-10: 1-55193-056-0
2. Joey Sprague. 2005. Feminist Methodologies for Critical Researchers: Bridging Differences. New York: Altamira Press. ISBN 0-7591-0903-6 (pbk)
3. Reinharz, Shulamit. 1992. Feminist Methods in Social Research. New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-19-507386-X
I will present the interesting quotes of the two chapters of Feminist Methodology books and discuss about my reactions in italics.
We chose to use second (you) and third (we, us, our) person throughout the text as a way of actualizing our belief that we, the authors, and you, the readers, are all in this research process together. (Kirby, p 1) I like the approach of the authors because they value for the readers and also themselves who are sure can really learn something to the readers.
Research, which so far has been largely the instrument of dominance and legitimation of power elites, must be brought to serve the interests of dominated, exploited and oppressed groups. (Kirby, p 1) It’s interesting because by this approach we can expect the practical outcome of researches which always seem so abstract!
Historically, many groups have been excluded from participating in, describing and analyzing their own understanding of reality. In many ways, understanding and going research can be seen as a formal literacy. (Kirby, p 2) It is important to all of us that the processes of investigating the world not remain a specialized activity. Everyday life skills of observation, data collection, reflection, analysis and interpretation can be enhanced with basic research training. By claiming access to the research enterprise, all people can produce or interpret evidence in ways that reflect their reality and contribute to a more comprehensive view of life. (p 2)
It’s interesting simultaneously dangerous. Interesting because research can be voice of marginalized people and make them to come to the context and dangerous because the evaluation of the research will be complicated and unclear. Increasingly, research is beginning to reflect the experiences and concerns of people who have traditionally been marginalized by the research process. (Kirby, p 3)
We believe that different methodologies carry with them specific underlying assumptions that will shape the way information is gathered and the kind of knowledge created. (Kirby, p 5)
Is it true that sometimes choosing a specific method can have different outcomes? If the outcome is not totally different, at least it would have different aspects. In fact, in different methods different parts of the issues are highlighted and consequently analyzed and interpreted.
The feminist methodological literature centered on four central questions;
1. Is there a feminist research method?
2. If so, what does it actually consist of?
3. Should there be a feminist research method?
4. What is the relation between feminist research methods and other methods? (Reinharz)
I like her approach and it seems she has done a profound job on the current existent literature in methodology and put her efforts to find the feminist tendencies in methodology which make be to respect her as an author. I mean when she mentions to this point, makes an invisible authority for herself in the text; an authority that make me accept her as an expert in the field of feminist methodology!
A person didn’t have to identify her research method as “feminist research method” but rather had to identify herself as a feminist doing research. (Ibid)
It was not completely clear to me what she exactly means when she express the approach should be feminist not the methodology.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Language, Meaning, Taboos
It is not easy to read a dense paper in a totally new field (anthropology) which your are not familiar to the terminology and also to the complicated content.
It is my today's mood! I am reading a paper for my Anthropology Methodology course which my professor comments is equal to the paper! The language of the paper is not easy and the discussion is completely new! If this argument was written in Persian, I should read more than one time to grasp the points! So, in this regard, I really cannot to pass the layer of the language and reach to layer of the meaning. I am imprisoned in the language and totally confused. Will be someday I am dominated in this language?
English words do not have any special burden of meaning to me. All words are just words without meaning! Words cannot carry emotions, feelings, etc. for me... It is really complex discussion. Accordingly, I can talk about taboos in English easily! Because taboo words are not taboo in my mind. They are equal to ordinary words without any difference! Which I never discuss about in my other tongue! Interesting :)
Last night we went to the Sufi House in West Vancouver. I met my friend's father. His hand was pinched as my father's... I cannot forget him. I was scared so much... I dreamed him all the night and I cannot get rid of the point that maybe he has a disease as my father's...
It is my today's mood! I am reading a paper for my Anthropology Methodology course which my professor comments is equal to the paper! The language of the paper is not easy and the discussion is completely new! If this argument was written in Persian, I should read more than one time to grasp the points! So, in this regard, I really cannot to pass the layer of the language and reach to layer of the meaning. I am imprisoned in the language and totally confused. Will be someday I am dominated in this language?
English words do not have any special burden of meaning to me. All words are just words without meaning! Words cannot carry emotions, feelings, etc. for me... It is really complex discussion. Accordingly, I can talk about taboos in English easily! Because taboo words are not taboo in my mind. They are equal to ordinary words without any difference! Which I never discuss about in my other tongue! Interesting :)
Last night we went to the Sufi House in West Vancouver. I met my friend's father. His hand was pinched as my father's... I cannot forget him. I was scared so much... I dreamed him all the night and I cannot get rid of the point that maybe he has a disease as my father's...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Letter
I wrote a letter to my mom yesterday. Maybe I translate it in English and put it here. After leaving Iran, I have spoken to her almost everyday but it was just greeting and some ordinary talking. Yesterday, I missed her so much and decided to write a letter to her, send to my sister's email and asked her to call mom o read it.
I don't know why everybody has stolen my research ideas!
I change my mind about my PhD thesis in Iran! I know that shame on me! But now and exactly at this moment I would like to work on public and private in Iranian bloggers, especially women.
I am satisfied but I don't appreciate my assets! Why always I forget how much I am in the serenity and how much God loves me?! How many people are desiring to be in my shoes?!
I don't know why everybody has stolen my research ideas!
I change my mind about my PhD thesis in Iran! I know that shame on me! But now and exactly at this moment I would like to work on public and private in Iranian bloggers, especially women.
I am satisfied but I don't appreciate my assets! Why always I forget how much I am in the serenity and how much God loves me?! How many people are desiring to be in my shoes?!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Happiness
Today, finally I could make a meeting with one of my classmates in Feminist Theories course. She originally is Indian and is PhD student in English Literature. No need to emphasis that she is intellectually speak English. She was born here and even talk to her parents in English. I like her because she was so cute and also she has been the only English speaker who has a great calmness in her face! I admire her relaxation and I felt we have many similarities. I asked her to meet each other and have a coffee and talk more. Interestingly, she welcomed and told me that she like me so much and I like to be friend with me if I like too. Like?! I desire :)
I discussed to her about English language. She pointed out: When you are talking in English, you make other to listen to you. You talk from an authority which I like it. Fascinating! I never know it about myself!
Today, also one of my Iranian friends who has lived in Canada since 10 years ago and is an English teacher told me your speaking is improved. I said to her: Are you kidding me?! I really feel that my speaking is weaken than 3-4 months ago and I think it was better at the first days. I actually feel I am going back in speaking in English. She said: Believe me. I am an English teacher and can distinguish your improvement. Maybe now you can compare yourself with English speakers more now and conclude that you become weaker, but it is not true. I feel you gradually are able to active to some parts of your vocabulary which are posed in the back of your mind and remain passive. The most important attempt is make your passive vocabularies active! Thanks God :)
The newsletter of our department finally published and there is congratulations me as a graduate student who was awarded an Entrance Scholarship for 2008-2008 as well as a scholarship of Advanced Education Ministry for 2009-2010!
I am happy today
I discussed to her about English language. She pointed out: When you are talking in English, you make other to listen to you. You talk from an authority which I like it. Fascinating! I never know it about myself!
Today, also one of my Iranian friends who has lived in Canada since 10 years ago and is an English teacher told me your speaking is improved. I said to her: Are you kidding me?! I really feel that my speaking is weaken than 3-4 months ago and I think it was better at the first days. I actually feel I am going back in speaking in English. She said: Believe me. I am an English teacher and can distinguish your improvement. Maybe now you can compare yourself with English speakers more now and conclude that you become weaker, but it is not true. I feel you gradually are able to active to some parts of your vocabulary which are posed in the back of your mind and remain passive. The most important attempt is make your passive vocabularies active! Thanks God :)
The newsletter of our department finally published and there is congratulations me as a graduate student who was awarded an Entrance Scholarship for 2008-2008 as well as a scholarship of Advanced Education Ministry for 2009-2010!
I am happy today
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Rush?!
Don't rush!
Nothing will happen if you are in a hurry!
Just wait... contemplate... and observe...
Give a chance to yourself to become relaxed in the totally new environment.
I will find my way definitely...
Nothing will happen if you are in a hurry!
Just wait... contemplate... and observe...
Give a chance to yourself to become relaxed in the totally new environment.
I will find my way definitely...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Price of Immortality
What is the price of immortality?!
Immortality has always been my most mental involvement. In fact, I think whatever happens I would like to be immortal in the History's mind. I have thought and talked about this issue to my spouse for many times in order to distinguish a practical plan to remain immortal! Writing, I think, can be one of the best plans for this desire.
But today, my spouse raised an issue which intimidated me! He was talking about people who when think deeply, they conclude that if they were not in this especial positions, nothing would be happened. Being or not being would not be an issue indeed!If one of them didn't do something, there is another one to do that. Right?
I criticized him so much because I was afraid of this explanation. I told him this way of thinking eventuates in the holocost and some other human disasters! He responded I was wrong because his purpose is when somebody "hirself" think in this way and think "others" are more important than "hir" and they are not as impressive as others in the society.
I told him I can see what you mean but "you", as the analysist are definitely dangerous! If a social analysist thinks in this way that most people are not sufficiently beneficial for the society, there will be many many human disaters! All impressions to other people is permitted by this style of thinking that really all people are not as important as others for human kind society! This style of thinking if does not entail horrible disasters, at least entail every kinds of discriminations; racism, sexism and others.
Suddenly, a thought was came out to my mind. What is really the price of immortality? Why when we read the best and most impressive people in human History, they have not been as successful in their personal life as in their career?! Have the price been the victimization their families and friends? Is it really right?
Maybe I should read more and then contemplate more on their personal life. It is really important to me that what is the price of immortality for my family, friends, kids and spouse? If I bother them and indeed victimize them to achieve my goal, is it really fair? Maybe it is fare for human kind and the future in general and unfair for the present people around me.
I think about it more profoundly and I will try to find a rational, logical and FAIR answer for myself; fair for my family and actually fair for myself. It is another significant point!
Am I ready to pay this price for immortality? I am not sure indeed!
Immortality has always been my most mental involvement. In fact, I think whatever happens I would like to be immortal in the History's mind. I have thought and talked about this issue to my spouse for many times in order to distinguish a practical plan to remain immortal! Writing, I think, can be one of the best plans for this desire.
But today, my spouse raised an issue which intimidated me! He was talking about people who when think deeply, they conclude that if they were not in this especial positions, nothing would be happened. Being or not being would not be an issue indeed!If one of them didn't do something, there is another one to do that. Right?
I criticized him so much because I was afraid of this explanation. I told him this way of thinking eventuates in the holocost and some other human disasters! He responded I was wrong because his purpose is when somebody "hirself" think in this way and think "others" are more important than "hir" and they are not as impressive as others in the society.
I told him I can see what you mean but "you", as the analysist are definitely dangerous! If a social analysist thinks in this way that most people are not sufficiently beneficial for the society, there will be many many human disaters! All impressions to other people is permitted by this style of thinking that really all people are not as important as others for human kind society! This style of thinking if does not entail horrible disasters, at least entail every kinds of discriminations; racism, sexism and others.
Suddenly, a thought was came out to my mind. What is really the price of immortality? Why when we read the best and most impressive people in human History, they have not been as successful in their personal life as in their career?! Have the price been the victimization their families and friends? Is it really right?
Maybe I should read more and then contemplate more on their personal life. It is really important to me that what is the price of immortality for my family, friends, kids and spouse? If I bother them and indeed victimize them to achieve my goal, is it really fair? Maybe it is fare for human kind and the future in general and unfair for the present people around me.
I think about it more profoundly and I will try to find a rational, logical and FAIR answer for myself; fair for my family and actually fair for myself. It is another significant point!
Am I ready to pay this price for immortality? I am not sure indeed!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Observant Participatory Exercise 1
Eagle Ridge Hospital Emergency Room, January 12, 2009. 11.45 a.m.
I chose the waiting room of emergency section of Eagle Ridge Hospital in Couquitlam. I did not like to choose some very ordinary place such as street or library which often people do not do something special. And since I am just about four month in Vancouver and consequently in an English language environment, I do not know many public places here. I thought the emergency part of a hospital can be a good choice to me because I can observe people in a relaxed manner and people who are in the hospital have something to observe rather than talk. In fact, regarding to my language obstacles, I preferred a place there is as minimum talking as possible. In addition, I thought an emergency waiting room of a hospital can be interesting because of urgent problems and it is possible I encounter many different situations which I cannot see in other places.
It was not my first time I went to the emergency section of Eagle Ridge hospital. The first one was approximately two months ago for a few minutes when my spouse wanted to receive his receipt from the reception to present for the insurance.
The emergency part is located in the back street of the main entrance of the Eagle Ridge hospital in Gilford Street in Couquitlam. When I entered to the emergency, the first thing I saw was the reception part where a nurse in a light blue dressing was talking to the people who were in a queue in front of the desk. I saw the left part where 24 chairs were put for patients and companions. In the 11.45 of a Monday it was not crowded and I had a chance to choose an appropriate place to sit down and observe. I sat down in a chair where I can observe everybody and everything from that angle. Although I was not able to see the entrance door of the room from that place, I was easy to watch everybody who enter or exit of the door after a few seconds. All chairs were put around the room except six of them in the middle of the room in order to use the place as effective as possible. There was also a paid phone in the room and a machine for getting junk foods. When I entered there were 14 people sitting down and two individuals in the queue to talk in the reception desk. Almost everybody is silent but a boy in the age of 18-19 is talking to the cell phone as loudly as his voice break the silence of the room. After about five minutes a nurse comes and calls the boy to enter to the ward. When he leaves there is no other voice except the nurse in the reception desk which her voice is similar to whispering rather than talking. I cannot distinguish her words.
Six people are reading magazines which are in four different small tables in the room. A 10-12 years old boy is sleeping in the chair and others are sitting and seem thinking or observing the room. There is a television set at the corner of the room close to the ceiling. It is off and seems it is a long time it has not turned on. Beneath the Television set there are 5 empty boxes in this corner of the room which makes it as a warehouse. In the wall next to this corner there is a picture written on: “McHappy Day, May 16th 2000.” These combination make me to feel this room is messy and nobody pay enough attention to keep here as a lively and fresh place. The cell phone of a man who is sitting next to me, rings. He talks for a while and decides to turn it off. I can hear his voice that he thinks about turning his cell phone loudly!
There are a three members of a family here; mother, more than 40 with the blonde hair and white jacket, father with an unusual big moustache and a sharp purple t-shirt and a 14-15 son in a black shirt. It seems the boy is the patient because he wears a white paper ribbon around his left wrist. Three other people are wearing this kind of strip in their wrists.
This place is totally different from my expectations. It is just as an ordinary doctor office or clinic. It seems to me none of the patients have serious problems. I compared it to one of the hospitals I had seen the emergency room in my country, Iran. It was really an emergency part. One night I had a strong headache and I went there. It was about less than half an hour I was there and I encounter three patients who had car accidents and they were covered with the blood, one other patient had drunken a poisonous wine and was screaming so loudly, another one was about 30 year old man who had a heart attack and they transferred him to the CPR room and all his families members were crying. The emergency room of Eagle Ridge hospital was totally different from what I had in my mind of an emergency room in a hospital.
After about half an hour I feel cannot breathe easily. I look at the ceiling. It seems to me it is short and the air cannot go around the room. I don’t like to stay there anymore. While I feel I have problem in my breathing I remember about 10 months ago where my father was hospitalized and the hospital became the most horrible place in the world for me. He was six days there and those days were the worst days in whole my life; The days when every days at the morning I was not sure I can meet him alive again; the days of continuous crying, praying, screaming and even the days when I thought about the suicide for the first time in my life. It was the worst days and when I sit here and watch people with ordinary problems, I remind those days and my breath block…
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Evil, Women and the Feminine
Dear .....,
Thank you very much for your response to our Call for Papers and for submitting such an interesting proposal. On behalf of the Steering Group I am delighted to say that after a double blind peer review and other selection processes your paper has been accepted for presentation at the 1st Global Conference on Evil, Women and the Feminine to be held from Friday 1st May - Sunday 3rd May 2009 in Budapest, Hungary. Your paper will make a valuable contribution to the conference discussions.
It is the 4th paper of mine which accepted to be presented in an international conference. I have many plans for this year. All previous three papers were in international conferences as well.
This is the abstract:
Female Body in Islam; Devil, Evil, Veil
Thank you very much for your response to our Call for Papers and for submitting such an interesting proposal. On behalf of the Steering Group I am delighted to say that after a double blind peer review and other selection processes your paper has been accepted for presentation at the 1st Global Conference on Evil, Women and the Feminine to be held from Friday 1st May - Sunday 3rd May 2009 in Budapest, Hungary. Your paper will make a valuable contribution to the conference discussions.
It is the 4th paper of mine which accepted to be presented in an international conference. I have many plans for this year. All previous three papers were in international conferences as well.
This is the abstract:
Female Body in Islam; Devil, Evil, Veil
After Islamic Revolution in Iran in 1979 and establishing a so-called religious government and attempting to Islamization all aspects of Iranians lives, the privacy of women could not be remained secure and veiling from top to toe became compulsory for them in public spheres. Therefore, after more than 30 years of Islamic Revolution, that historical debate about the representation of female body in Islamic societies became more disputable in Iran in recent years. The core of this long argument is that female body is assumed just as a sensual object in Islamic texts.
Wearing colorful headscarves instead of dark colors, displaying hair beneath the scarves instead of covering completely, wearing short tight coats instead of loose long apparels are some of Iranian women employed initiatives in order to customize current interpretations of compulsory veiling.
Investigating female body politics in Iran during 30 recent years, this paper will focus on the religious texts (Qoran, the Muslim holy book; Sonath, the Prophet Mohammad and his children speeches and toziholmasa’el, Islamic contemporary clergies’ interpretation of Islamic principles) in order to decode the female body in Iran and reveal the connotations and denotations of religious defined signs in female body in this country.
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